When my world's lost in midnight,
and I'm crippled by tears,
There are a few special places,
I've gone to for years.
A garden of veggies
grown with my hands.
Snorkeling with stingrays
off glowing white sands.
Orion and Pisces
dancing on black.
A cruise in my Jeep
along an ocean-kissed track.
Embracing a pint
with friends who are true,
or hockey and pizza
with that same exact crew.
Recess with children,
so unlike a teacher,
and recalling the words
taught by my preacher.
Connecting with poets
a half world away.
Fishing for stripers
in warm Cape Cod Bay.
The purr of sweet Brady
curled up in my lap,
and those feminine hands
that massage as I nap.
And then there's the future,
unknown but still bright,
just one extra reason
for smiling at midnight.
Author notes
Someone on AP inspired Cindy to write about smiling, and her poem on smiling inspired me to try my own. Why not? This is the result. I did not slave over this one, I did not dwell on it... I actually spent about 45 minutes on it from beginning to end. It is meant to be light and "fluffy", though, written in a short amount of time without a lot of mental stretching. I just wanted to try tossing out my own fun "smile" poem and this is the result.
So... what do you think?
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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not bad
If it weren't for the generic rhymes, this poem would be an easily lovable one. I love the feeling behind the poem, and it is definitely "light and fluffy".
I really feel you tied the poem together well with the first and last stanzas. Although they're opposite actions (crying and smiling), you took us through the change of heart, which is really what made the poem believable.
language: 4, rhythm: 4, subject: 4, tone: 5, form: 3.
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This is good, simple. I like this. Good job. It feels a little like you were following the format a little too much, however. Sometimes the meaning is lost in the need for rhyme. I'd like to read some of your work that doesn't rhyme. Maybe you have a poem on your page that doesn't rhyme. I'll check. Otherwise, good job.
-Coli -
It's great!
This reminds me of a country song...in a good way since I love country music. The poem flowed perfectly and it was just so cute. All these things I never thought about doing when I was feeling down... The idea is adorable. I've never been able to write about what made me smile, just what made me sad. Strange. Now I want to try. It was simple yet inspiring. I think that if I'd written it I wouldn't want to change one thing about it. You did a great job!!language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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Amazing!
I loved it. It kept me reading from the first line to the last. What I really loved was that I was interested by the first line, and I didn't lose interest 'till the last line ended. Very nice job.
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finally! i got to read this again...
my bad, mark...your poem that i was looking for, it was this...not about memories...i guess that one was where you wrote about your friend...
now this one...i read this poem when i was in a rush and wanted to get a poem in my system before i started working...and, you know what it did to me? it left me smiling the whole day..
great big smiles while i was laboring writing travel articles for places i've never been to...great smiles while i was taking care of my kids...there were great smiles abound for me that day...
although i haven't recaptured that feeling (if you've read my other comments, you know why), i can still say that this has been the most refreshing poem that i've read lately...a nice piece that speaks of happiness and hope and love...really very good, mark!
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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Once again, leigh, thank you so much for your kind and supportive words. Also once again, I am glad my writing had such meaning for you. I said it in my other reply but I'll say it again... what you shared with me in this comment is the best reward any writer you can ask for. It means so much to me, and I thank you for taking the time to read and respond so thoughtfully.
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Nice work. It is just pure, simple happiness in poem form. No pretentious language or labyrinthine moral issues. Just a poem about what makes you happy. And I think everyone can respect that. Something about this poem just makes me smile, because memories like these are universal. Everyone has them. Whether it is "hockey and pizza", or "a garden of veggies", happy memories are what keep us going when times get rough. Exactly like you said.
I think what I'm trying to say is, I really liked this one. It was refreshing and enjoyable.
language: 4, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 3.
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I have enjoy the reading of your captive piece, it grabbed my attention and held it from beginning to ending. A gift with your pen! thanks for sharing your words.
language: 4, tone: 4.
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Thanks for sharing and reminding us that when life gets to be too much there is always a place we can go and unwind. A few minutes of reflection on the good things helps us re-center on the positive
Joe -
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Thanks, Joe. I am glad you enjoyed this one and I appreciate the time you gave it. All my best...
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Hey Mark, I really like the honest simplicity in this - it's nice and refreshing to see something written without putting too much effort into clever word play and such. Just writing. Jotting down what makes you smile when you're "crippled by tears". I enjoyed this, thanks.
Mattlanguage: 3, rhythm: 4, subject: 4, tone: 4, form: 4.
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Thanks, Matt. I agree that there can be a refreshing quality to just "simply writing" at times. It is something I make sure I do every once in a while and last night seemed like a pretty good time. Thanks again...
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awwwwwwwwwwww
this makes me wanna work on mine amd smile while I do
This had a great, smooth rhythm to it, tight work on the rhyming, that felt natural and appropriate
It made me smile, it made me start thinking about these happy tings I remember form my life...gave me the idea of indeed wanting to be able to incorporate that too....It gave it such a personal feel, but in a good way
I just simply put, felt uplifted from this one Mark, honoured as always soemthing of mine inspired something of yours That truly made me happy and enlightened
Cin
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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Thanks, Cindy. I am glad you liked it. I meant to point out the subtle shout out to you in stanza 6, too, the first two lines. I figure Australia is roughly a half world away from Delaware, right?
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yeah bout half way...sounds good to me lol
I see Joe, my friend who started this did visit the poem, I am glad...I wanted him to see what he has started lol
Today through some awful news that our dog has cancer and not much time left with us..I am still trying my best to smile. Make a point to be positive and remember I have had 3 and half wonderful years with him, so many laughs, so many memories.
Hard to smile right now, but I am still remembering too
Cindy
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