I thought they would always sit there,
Fading into the walls.
A daily hindrance to step around,
Yet holding their own importance,
Quietly.
Not out of place,
But strange in their surroundings.
Dull in appearance,
Yet standing quite out.
The day I got rid of them,
The trash seemed unfit.
And they made the journey to the basement,
Next to a cage,
It too holding it's importance,
With a new wave of pain and tears,
And to my lost loved one,
I gave my unofficial, final goodbye.
Author notes
This is about the day(5 months or so later!)that I finally took my late hamster's(lol sigh)food, treats, and ball left from when he was alve out of my room.
What could I do to improve this?
Comments
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Very, very creative. I was so wrapped up in this as I read it, trying to figure out what the speaker was talking about. When I read your note, it was like getting the answer to a great riddle. There was that reaction of "now it makes so much sense". I like the fact that you do not make it explicityly clear in the poem that these things are toys/treats/etc. for your hamster. I see that as opening the door to a universal experience. I think it would be easy for someone to read this and think of their own hamster, but it may be just as easy for someone to read it and think of their aunt or grandfather. It is well crafted and ready to attach itself to the heart of the reader. Very nice job on this one...
language: 4, rhythm: 5, subject: 4, tone: 4, form: 5.
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:)
Thank you! I actually expected more criticism for this one.
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