If i were to drown,
in cold and dark waters
of the sea with the setting sun
Would you even remember me
after sunrise?
past can't leave it .. can you?
Sorry, you cannot respond to an archived poemReviews
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it's amazing,...so short, but so...full....
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hmmm.....
Full of something which i can't feel anymore... thanks for your comment...
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this has the same effect of a haiku; the condensed word combination induces the empathy which i'm sure you were aiming for, whilst the imagery of nature lends it an innocent, pure beauty. this beauty juxtaposes the loneliness of your subject to emphasise just how isolated you feel. relaxing and heart wrenching, i love it xx
. Rewarded 6
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One sided love is what I see.It can be awfully shattering.
Though one can feel the loneliness there seems to be a craving to be loved .In asking the question-would you even remember me after sunrise,you seem to have the answer.Unrequited love can only lead to a dead end .Metaphorically speaking the poem is optimistic inspite of the negativity initially.The setting sun has a spark left
. Rewarded 6
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This is beautiful. It's got a haunting brevity that's really rare. It reminds me of "into the ocean" by blue october, if you know the song.
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thanks
THank you so much for taking time to read this write. I dnt know the song but will surely listen to it.
Take care
Traveller
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heavy
I like it. Short, sweet, smack. lol I assume you are unhappy with the treatment from said friend. I find this to be very powerful and I fel your angst right from the words. It makes me say "Oh man... someone isn't treating you right"
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I like this peom a lot. It's short but says so much.
Good job
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It's a nice piece .Painful and sad just like a message to a friend.Nicely done !
Dirty and Broken
May 5, 2008