i play this song and for a second remember
your scent and how good it was
how damn good it was
laying in bed all day touching
the depth of affection
i swear i listen to this song and i can smell you
that unmistakable smellable mistake
fills my nostrils and i'm taken back
to the day where we did nothing but lay
in bed and do nothing
but listen to Coldplay and Enya
till it hurt
and it still hurts, but differently now
a rush of blood to my head and i realize
i am no scientist, it's two a.m.
and i have an Art History final tomorrow
and i wonder where it all went wrong
and i'm no politik and the clocks are all set back
four more days and i'm out
but i remember when the year had just begun
your crazy wild look
your i-want-you look
then suddenly your i-don't-know-you look
followed by my what-the-hell-happened look
i sit here and listen to the clocks turn
and i can smell you
but the piano plays and i swear it's all yellow
my life is yellow
this week is yellow
this cluttered messy dorm room is yellow
my grades are yellow
my roommate Jared missed a final today
and he's piss yellow
and i wish all these damn songs meant something else but you
and yellow and i was just a kid
and what the hell happened
and i'm ready for the clocks to stop ticking
and for this week to be over
for this semester to end
and to wash your musk off my sheets
with bleach
i swear i wouldn't give you a second glance
if i saw you around campus
i am a different me
i am an older me
i am a jaded me
i am more me than i have ever been
and this semester needs to end
that last bell needs to ring
so i can box up my crap
and sing the alma matter all the way home
in my dad's dodge mini-van
and maybe he'll let me drive
and i can listen to some new music
with new memories i'll want to remember.
Reviews
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hmm....i like it...i'm not sure why, so i'm not going to be much help but...i especially like the last two lines
"and i can listen to some new music
with new memeories i'll wan tto remember"
and how you bring the sense of smell into it....yeah, i like this poem
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hey, thanx kiddo. i wrote this one last night.
it's finals weeks. i'm ready to leave.
peace,
Pap
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you're very welcome
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Definetly got boxed in feeling from this one Papy...Like you can not wait for it all to be over etc..
But more then that is, you wrote it with great description...that was light to the mind, easy to abosrb and enjoy
Also easy to feel the frustrations of the writer.
Hang in there my friend
Cindy
. Rewarded 6
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"and i wish all these damn songs meant something else but you"
I hear you.
I love the way you managed to show all the different emotions that come with the end of the year/end of a relationship. You really feel the tense emotional stress. Great job!
-RD
. Rewarded 6
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Excellent write. Another piece where the raw feeling of the speaker just comes pouring off the lines. I am especially impressed with the strong opening lines. They hook right into the heart and mind and stay lodged in there right up until the end. A very well written poem that I am glad you've shared with us. Thanks!
. Rewarded 6
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Just wondering, but is there a specific reason why the i's are uncapitalized and the only period is at the very end? Because, to be honest, it's hurting the read of the poem overall. The i is distracting, as are all poetic gimmicks. The lack of grammatical punctuation makes the reader read nonstop, making some of the lines make no sense whatsoever (a linebreak is not a pause). This means that the reader makes up his or her own pauses, which is often not exactly what you meant them to do. A reader reads words (and punctuation), not minds.
. Rewarded 8
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Noc,
thanx for commenting on my poem.
i see no need to capitalize my "i's" - i am not so important. what i find distracting are capitalized words and structured poetry. poetry is not prose and therefore not confined to its rules.
also, i hate punctuation in my poetry. and you're right, no punctuation makes the reader read non-stop.
and you're wrong, a line break IS a pause (a comma at a line break is redundant).
this poem is meant to be read aloud, stressing certain words. most of it is in my head. so as you read, be creative. since you can't hear me reading it as it is meant to be read, read it yourself in a way that best fits you. heck, dot my t's and cross my i's. i don't give a crap. make it yours.
Pap
p.s. not, you cannot read my mind, nor can you feel the emotion i would convey if you were to watch me preform this poem. in terms of actual content, i feel this poem lacks a lot of specific sensory detail and i do not find simply reading it as enjoyable.
p. p. s. - the period at the end of the poem is my way of finalizing my thoughts. i do this to many of my poems.
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hello?
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://smiley.vox.com/library/audio/6a00c2251e70a18e1d00cdf7f18cf7094f.html
Nocturne: here it is
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gello?
are you there?
Dirty and Broken
April 29, 2008