I'm
giving pain away
I'm
sending you messages that beg you to stay
and still I watch you walk away
still I go home alone again today
And you're in my mind
When I reach the door
You're in my mind when I hit the floor
You're in my mind when I can't take it anymore
You're in my mind
And you're here all the time
You promised everything you said was true
every " forever" and every " I love you"
You just keep saying things
that you cannot do
You complicated
everything I knew
You infiltrated
Maticulated
Annihilated
and dare concentrated
on what I was feeling
when I crashed from the ceiling
you didn't care, no you never do
And you're in my mind
when I'm spinning 'round
And you're in my mind when I start hearing sounds
And you're in my mind as I fall to the ground
Feeling more lost than I've ever been found
And you're in my mind when I feel this kind of down
and your the last thing in my mind as I sink and I drown
You're even here in my mind when I'm headed hell bound
You're in my mind
You're in my mind
And you're always here
all the time
Author notes
this is what I wrote in my math class.....I don't like math.......and it's about the same girl. Feel free to comment
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I really like the intensity, insistence and relentlessness of this. Something like awaterfall of words splashing with pain over everything in sight.
Couple of words Im looking askance at, not sure - is "infertrated" supposed to be 'infiltrated'? "maticulated" - 'matriculated'?
and maybe 'dared to concentrate' instead of "dare concentrated"
Minor points, just cosmetioc issues, you have a strong poem here. Cheers, MJ
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8O Holy Freakin CRAP! WOW!!!!
ok i LOVE and worship and adore this one!!!! it was amazingly insightful and beautiful and just the right personal and love and hurt and anguish and denial and everything else you put of yourself in here too. and just enough so pple can still relate to it without it being weird and everthing ya know? good Job! *high five*
~Anna
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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You're poems really are amazing, I feel the emotion and passion behind your writing.
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Holy Crap
Your poems are amazing. you should seriously start a band and use them in it. keep up the good work.
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you wrote this in math clasS? that's amazing
as for the poem, i don't understand the word: "Maticulated"
but i like the poem, i thought it was awesome, but very sad....
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I hear a song coming on!
These would make great lyrics, I think. I absolutely loved how, in the second verse, you had those short lines with stabbing words. It really added to the tone. I also noticed how you seperated "I'm" from the rest of the line in at the start. At first I was thinkin' it was a typo, but if not...it actually works. It sticks out, but in a good way. Like there is some hope despite the fact that your relationship is through. (or maybe I'm WAY overthinking it...I tend to do that)
teehee, I like math, kinda. But boring classes make the best time for writing!
Good job,
Ashley
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