Forgive

i pick
at the tiny piece of skin
hanging off of my finger
and i make it bleed
and i make it hurt
and i drink the blood
and absorb the pain
until it becomes part of me
and makes the pain inside go away
i have scabs all over my fingers
[picking hangnails
it's disgusting
like eating pieces of your flesh]
but i don't eat the skin
just drink the blood
i don't even know what i'm saying anymore
i'm just rambling
got a cool idea for a poem
then forgot it again
i forget everything
except....
[{him}]
i remember him
and the way he smells like...
well, Alex....
and the way
he tasted like chocolate that day
and how it felt
to have him lying on top of me
[so safe]
and how
when i was with him
it didn't matter
nothing matter
but him and i
and our
togetherness
and how now
he wants to ignore me
he wants to get over me
but if he
would just forgive me
everything would be okay