I know
It'll be okay
At least for now
It's what I'll say
cause tomorrow
could change so many things
some many ways in just one day
Oh how
can she not know this pain
Or see it on my face
As this love dies away
Can it be saved?
does she love me
As her fingers graze my skin
and flicker back again
It's just a dream
Just a dream
I'm losing who we are
Or are we nothing at all?
I try
to see
where I began
Losing everything
all I had
but she didn't know
that all I had
was everything she meant to me
I shoulda seen the light
The moment she walked outa mine
I just don't think she understands
How this rips me open
Again and again
I suffer silently
and she's hurting me
It's killing me.......
Destroying me
Author notes
I don't like this one, I just want an opinion of what I can do to change it.
Comments
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wOOOw
This poem was absolutely amazing. You really showed your emotions, and I understood exactly how you felt the entire time. I absolutely love this, and I don't think you need to change it at all. It's touching and it's out there and it's beautiful. It totally wowed me. Srsly. =) Fantastic job! -
You are like me, I think. You put down your work even when it isn't bad. It is nice, I think. My favorite lines were " I shoulda seen the light
the moment she walked outa mine."
That sounds great. I also like how you seemed to press the feeling in the last few lines. That doesn't always work, but here it does.
One thing I think you could try, is adding in periods and commas. That adds to the effect and language.
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