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This is what it feels like to be dead ( my suicidal saturday )5/3/08

This is what it feels like to be dead
To be
Shot right through the head
When you feel you're going outa site
When you give up the battle
without the fight
Cause this is what it feels like to be dead
Body limp as lead
Bleeding sea's of red

And before this all happened
These feelings surronded me

These feelings confounded me

These feelings

The drowneded me

Lying half naked in my bed

with a locked and loaded pistol in my hand

And I said

Make it go away

Make it all go away

Get caught up in the wrong game of russian roulette

Make it go away

make it all go away

Rid

my mind of all these yesterdays

 I have to make this go away

I need you to finally see

All the pain I could never say

It all has to end today

Pay the price

They never thought I'd pay

I could be just like Ray

Only he did it a diffrent way

This is what it feels like to be dead

Right before the shot through the head

It wouldn't matter

I've been dead since I've been alive

All I need now

Is a healthy dose of suicide

 And this is what It feels like to be truley dead

bullet through the head

bleeding sea's of red

this is how it feels

One click to erase all they've said

THis is what is dead

This is how it ends

It's not done, I did it as a quickwrite. I still have alot to tweak about it

Sorry, you cannot respond to an archived poem

Reviews


  • Dirty and Broken
    May 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow.....could use a bit of...oh, what's the word....kind of....improvement....fixing up....making pretty......something like that, i hope u get what i mean....nbut it's wowness...amazing.....

  • Rize
    May 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i think that you did really good....more in the sense that I'm not really saying much because I said most of it already..and I really don't know what to say if you really want the truth....


  • shadow2050
    May 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    WOW

    I really liked this piece you put a lot of emotion into this piece i enjoyed reading it a lot. AS I read your piece I felt sad and it felt as if I was the one writing it the one feeling the pain so you did a really good job making your reader feel pain because this is like my story, When I read your line that said "Body limp as lead Bleeding sea's of red" That was exactly my suicide attempt on 5/2/08 I told you about that since we are buddies. Once I read that it reminded me of what I had done Bleeding on the floor not caring that I was killing myself almost dead upon my floor until my parents found me. I still have those times i still do what I do there is no stopping to it and I know that sooner or later I will be the cause of my own death. I really enjoyed your piece though I liked how you put emotion in every stanza.

    Sincerely your Friend,
    Chandra .C.


  • ambercruise
    June 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    It does need tweeked a bit
    but all and all you are getting there,Bravo lets hear it for dead people.

  • LostHeart
    July 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Well written

    That was well written with a nice flow.Very creative in this work, I applaud you. You could improve it with a little more description. Make what go away? What was so painful, more description but overall it was great. Beginning and ending lines go great together.