A woman at writers group
wanted to put together a book
of stories
based on Valentines Day
being the poet of the group
she asked me if I wanted
to write a set of poems
but I declined
Valentines Day poems
are strictly Hallmark material
and not my thing
but then she emailed me
and said
the poems didn’t have to be
about Valentines Day per se
but love poems
so I emailed back
sure why not
however I hadn’t noticed
her caveat, no profanity or sex
love poems minus profanity and sex
like Valentines Day poems
are more the domain of Hallmark
every week the deadline drew nearer
and being commissioned to write poems
is insufferable
she emailed lists of the writers
who’d turned in their work
I made the list of those who didn’t
then another email appeared
to me and the other contributors
how many of the books
would we be buying?
she said this was a
standard industry practice
this smelled like vanity publishing-rotten
this book deal
was climbing to the top
of my worry list
why did I say yes
but then a miracle happened
the book deal fell through
and this is as close
to a love poem
as I get
Comments
1 - 29 of 29
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Close enough, I think.
There was a great series of cards published over here, with sentiments as they are REALLY experienced (love with lust etc) but they didn't make it I don't think. The stockists got nervous and withdrew them from the shelves.
That makes authentic experience today's hard porn, I guess...
A fine little ice-pick poem. Best RA
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A poem that said everything anyone ever needed to say about love, by simply not saying. I enjoyed how the repetition (of content, e.g. her emails, and phrases) and the detached manner in which the subject was conveyed proved a wry counterpoint to the twist of the last stanza - if that makes sense....!
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hey GmH
thannks for reading and commenting. dave
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i do like this one, which surprises me.
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Hey, Dave! I'm still trying to figure out why you're my favorite poet. You can say the most "offensive" things about women, relationship, whatever . . . and make me smile. I mean ear-to-ear grin until my jaws hurt! And that's over and beyond the freshness of your honest humanity. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
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hi bev
i hope things are going well in Tenessee. maybe its good if you don't figure out why you like my poems. if you did you may not like them anymore. glad you do.
dave
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where is the peom???
in sevral genres in which this piece fell in???neways not impressive at all.its atractive title made me read it but its content is just pathetic.better dont write when u hav nothng to write.it seems u get published now n then.but i don no how???language: 3, rhythm: 1, subject: 1, tone: 2, form: 1.
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hey cactus
you may not have like the poem because (i've checked your writing style) you believe in rhyming that you've learned in school, that roses are red, violets are blue...etc. anyway poetry has branchd out sense then.
also i saw where you left thirty comments in a row, i suspect you couldn't sleep, i.e you couldn't even spell poem, keep taking you psych. meds.
dave
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Very true to life. I hear ya; you just can't turn on the sappy sentimental stuff like like a fawcet. You have to be properly inspired by a real life love affair, or something. That's understandable. I like the free verse form of this poem.
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hey lady J.
thanks for commenting, nothings worse than sappy love poems.
dave
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well...
idk what to make of it as a poem. But none the less I found it well written, its very weird for me b/c to me it seems like its almost a poem and almost a story. I definately found the story interesting. A different take on the whole poem process and expectations, Congratulations. good job on an original piece.
TTYL
MM
language: 5, rhythm: 4, subject: 5, tone: 4, form: 4.
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hey marcus
a narrative poem here i suppose altough some would make a case not a poem, but hey i figure if i can tell the story in fewer words (than a short story) i'll try to get away with it. thanks for the read.
dave
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Hey Dave,
I have to say I appreciate your sarcasm, here, but either my brain is playing tricks on me or I'm picking up on something else here, too -- the idea that the topic of love has been covered over so many times in poetry that to approach it again is frustrating, almost denigrating to the level of your insight as a poet. And let me say, sir, been there.
I thoroughly enjoyed this, Mr. Ochs. Thanks again for an entertaining and thought-provoking read.
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Being forced to write a poem you dont want to write is like being forced to have sex with someone you dont like. Glad you didnt have to do it............
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a love poem from the great dave ochs...
very humorous, very entertaining, very dave ochs...hehehehe...the first time i read this, i was trying to find a piece that could make me laugh because of the problems that i am now going through (sister sick and dying, etc., etc., etc.)...and this, managed to put a smile on my face...the next time i visited sharepoetry, i looked for this poem again...this time to tell you how i feel about it...but, before commenting, i read the poem again and this time, i laughed...
thank you, dave, for not only making me smile but making me laugh despite my sorrows...as always, you have produced the kind of poem that manage to stand out above the rest of love poems (mine, included, alas!) hehehe...
language: 5, rhythm: 4, subject: 4, tone: 3, form: 4.
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salamat Leigh
I'm so sorry about your sister. God Bless you both, hope he gives you strength to get throught it.
dave
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As always..
I enjoy your first-hand experiences and commical jests tied quite nicely within your unique format. Another example of you just being you, and no one ever changing it. Changes? This does not need changes. It needs to be placed on a Hallmark card, beneath a camera in the nearest Rite Aid so we can all see the looks on the faces of those who expect the usual, and quite often cliche'd, "Love Poem." A fun read for me, dave, and well worth the time.
Keep on keeping on,
Renji.language: 3, rhythm: 5, subject: 4, tone: 5, form: 4.
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hey Renji
thanks for the great comment, Hallmark wouldn't go near it. i think I'm going to make a vow never to buy a Hallmark card.
dave
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God in Heaven!!!
Hey Professor, you pushed the envolope with the prosaic thing here but you laced it with some good laughs and healthy cynicism. And the punchline sealed it. Sheeesh! I thought we were going to have 2 love poems in a row from YOU!!! But God remains in his heaven after all! Liked it. >W< -
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hey w
very prosaic indeed, i vow to make my next three posts purely poetic to atone. but glad you liked it.
dave
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the white steed of victory
Dave,
i once read on a "how to get published" article somewhere that the first rule is to promise to yourself never to pay to get published. this would include buying the book you were supposed to be submitting to, i'd think. so good it fell through. sounded like a scam to me.
besides, i'm not one for the love poems either. so really, this is the best love poem i've read in a while.
your conversational tone is as matter-of-fact as they come. and the last stanza really brings the whole poem full circle. fresh:
but then a miracle happened
the book deal fell through
and this is as close
to a love poem
as I get
twas a happy ending after all.
Pap
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hey pap
thanks for the comments, and your absolutely right about vanity publishing, who should never be given a dime. They prey niave desparate novices, there oughta be a law against them
dave
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Ochs In Denial!
And so my friend, should you be! Hallmark is the benchmark of utter bollox, Dave, I heartily agree.
In sheer empathy with your position I shall download some hardcore immediately to rub out the image of my favourite bohemian comedian struggling to overcome his natural aversion to writing lovey-dovey excreta to a girl he doesnt fancy bonking.
There are limits to poetic prostitution.
But alluding to your closing line, mate, I beg to differ, you have written of love previously with indubitable aplomb (Love at First Sight fex) and though your sensual portrayals are cognizant of barfly boning rabid mongrels in a cesspit of disillusion....
Well it got me all hot and bothered.
By incorporating enough gutter-erotica your eminent quill can spill poetic porn till the cows come
home.
Next time, Dave!
gGangGbanger
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hey gGangGbanger
though we've never met you know my history and can spot all the inaccuracy's and contrivences in my writings, hence when i don't make it big i give you permission to scribe my unauthorized biography.
cheers,
dave
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Ahhhh
I like this, kinda funny! I could see you denying the whole poem thing, oddly. I just love your little stories!! I love your little description of the publishing deal, creative. Teehee
Nicely done!
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hey ski
glad you like my stories, anyone with a story to tell needs someone to listen to it. hope i don't start repeating them.
dave
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