BEFORE YOU READ ON BEWARE THIS CONTAINS EXPLICIT SEXUAL ADULT CONTENT.......
The masquerade ball downstairs
in full swing, a few drift away
they cannot bear it any longer,
the chamber is calling.
Master.
He wore only black loose pants
his scent strong and
his hardness showing.
The crowd gathered seeing
a slave
bound to this contraption,
much like a vaulting horse.
She blushed but begged
“Master owns me, take me. I’m unworthy,
but give me relief.’
‘Be silent, bitch’, he growled
pulling her hair,
demanding her submission.
Whispering, “look your friends, my slaves,
in the eyes my sweet.”
Turning,
a scorching heat coming from within
seeing them sitting, naked and exploring
one another’s bodies.
Sex, others in unison,
all for her eyes to eat up
tonight.
Suddenly a whip sang,
made music with her arse
startled, silent,
grinding against the device.
Finding her voice
begging relief from him,
her master.
The second blow
and held in screams release.
So aroused, orgasm about to
explode.
“Please let me.”
Undoing the manacles
seeing the crowd lost,
frenzied
in sexual activity.
Taking and laying her down gently,
round bed, silk sheets;
not stopping her wandering hands.
He turns her
licks up sweet juices,
spreads her
and says, “You have an arse that begs to be abused.”
Moans escape as she feels fingers
on her engorged bud
his touch rough, but soothing.
No hesitation
Taking his cock,
entering her arse,
playfully slapping her clit.
Acting the animal
going faster and faster,
feeling the tightness and
knowing his cock,
up there, her first.
Everyone lost in erotic sensations
watching his slaves,
he rides her harder
and cums almost,
violently.
Submitted she cries out
“spank me Master, I’m Cumming!”
He answers leaving a sting,
one last time slamming hard
juices flowing
pulling free.
getting up he calls over another girl.
One of the main ones.
Not a glance,
not even a kiss for his
newest slave.
Joining a crowd of five,
hands reach out to him,
touching everywhere.
Getting hard again, he whispers
to his girl, “Work on that arse it
needs to be trained. Far too tight.
Now get naked,
I want my best fuck of the night.”
The chamber came to life tonight,
Chains, whips, slaps and saddles.
Sexually free souls
came together.
Punished,
gave,
took
and did
all for their master.
Um I don't know speak the truth lol :)
Sorry, you cannot respond to an archived poemReviews
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Madam Cyn strikes again!
Hello Cinful One. Well, you certainly pushed the boat out here. My overall impression is that it works, it certainly kept MY interest and I was quite turned on by the end of it. It pushes the boundaries of poetry pretty hard toward prose, but story poems are allowed that. It has some basic errors (imho) which possibly cost you a higher place in the competition. I'll start the review in a step by step mode, but ultimately I'll do my usual, lazyboy copy and paste. I have to confess right now that I AM looking forward to the task for reasons beyond those of altruism and poetry! I believe you picked your critic carefully for this one. And if I said, in the nicest possible way, that you were a dirty b**** and that I liked that about you, you wouldn't take offence.
And hell, if you do - spank me!
The masquerade ball downstairs
in full swing, a few drift away
they cannot bear it any longer,
(giving the next line its own space gives it gravitas)
the chamber is calling.
Master.
He wore only black loose pants
his scent strong and
his hardness showing.
(I'd do more by way of description here. He is 'the Master' after all. you've changed tense already (from the present to the past.) I'd stick with the present, make it more immediate for the reader. So maybe
The Master awaits.
He wears only loose black pants
concealing all, revealing all
she wants to know.
His bare torso, oiled and muscled
his head full shaven, phallic, proud
his arms crossed
contemptuous
he surveys the crowd
who eye
a slave
bound to this contraption,
much like a vaulting horse.
(this contraption much like a... is fussy and prosaic. You must strip the poem down to the bare essentials. How appropriate! And again, stick to tense. The writing here must get out of the way of the action, the right words must be chosen precisely. Any 'glitches' will break the spell that needs to be cast. Once you get your reader into this dungeon he/she must BE there. Any 'bumps' will be hugely damaging.
She blushed but begged
“Master owns me, take me. I’m unworthy,
but give me relief.’
‘Be silent, bitch’, he growled
pulling her hair,
demanding her submission.
Whispering, “look your friends, my slaves,
in the eyes my sweet.”
Turning,
a scorching heat coming from within
seeing them sitting, naked and exploring
one another’s bodies.
Sex, others in unison,
all for her eyes to eat up
tonight.
Suddenly a whip sang,
made music with her arse
( now 'arse' is just not the right word here. I almost laughed out loud and that's fatal for erotic tension. This is new territory to most of us so tell us how that sting feels, why it's stimulating, why we want to be there. Have you tried S&M? If not you must use your imagination. And share that. If you don't mind I'll stop the 'sermon' now and get a little lazy. I'll copy and paste it and have some fun with it. Then I'll message it on to you in its entirety. Later. >W< .........
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Thanks for all this..No spanking hehe..I suppose I probbly am being a dirty B**** when I am writing things like this lol
I wont answer the have you tried S&M question here..which means I basically just did lol..Not a lot..so I can certainly try to imagine more etc..and will take that advice to give more of the sensation of what it felt like..the why.as you say
etc etc..
Thanks again for spending some time with this one..After I wash the dog.I will sit down to it and get working.editing etc
Cin
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Wow, Cindy. Awesome, awesome write. To say I love story poems to begin with doesn't do this well-written delectable bit any justice. This is a smart snapshot of the sexually adventurous.
The word, "engorged," was wonderfully incorporated-- I found it wonderfully effective even before I got to the end and saw that it was a requirement. And looking over the remainder of the list, I was surprised-- usually, when a writing contest of some sort has criteria such as this, a piece has a tendency to feel forced. I never would have suspected you were working within any sort of parameters, since the subject matter, and the technical aspects of the piece itself, feel so natural and spontaneous.
Cheers,
Pie
PS, Would love to see you slip some of this red-hot sexuality into the geisha poem. Did you know a geisha's virginity was auctioned off to the highest bidder?
Congratulations on a trophy well-deserved.
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Thanks Pie..I love story poems too.
Believe me this was a challenge lol..and under time contraints meant it probably wasn't even the best it could be..hence bronze lol.
I am going to be spending some time with it now..upon some advice from Windhhover and thoughts of my own to, so you will only see it improve and be better then it already is lol
I tell ya engorged was the hardest of them to get in there..so I am relieved to hear it felt/read like it should have bene there..perfect etc
In all my reasearch on geishas I didnt see that reference to virginity etc...Thats an intriguing thought...adding that angle into the giesha poem..thanks will keep it in mind
Thanks again Pie
Cindy
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hey cinfully delicious
i definetely can't say your being too "soft" here, man if you only got the bronze what kind of erotica was the gold?
anyway well done, the only suggestion i might make is i think you could eaisly expand this into a story where you could develop the characters, build up more tension etc.
dave -
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lol the silver and gold winners where definetly the kind that would ' get a girls panties wet'
so to speak lol
On Ap..theres more of a crowd for the above sensual erotic writing..and I am no where even near their league lol
which is why I keep giving it ago and learning
Will be working on this one I think, now contest over etc..Cn see it being a lot better..a lot more
Thanks Dave
Cin
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Shades of O
With some Justine thrown in for good measure! Kudos for taking the plunge with this piece, Cindy - "going all the way" as it were and on the whole I thought this worked well delineating a classic scene of decadent debauchery. To Windhover´s exhaustive (heheh) advice and excellent comment below there is not much I can add.
I would take pains to change the "arse music" and save this amusing witty concept for a more humourous piece.
And more evolved spacing could offset the prose vibe which creeps in after the first half.
Actually rereading this I think your closing segment is my favourite as this really captures the atmosphere in a few well chosen words/sentences. I can imagine the camera zooming out and off-set at the end of a lavishly produced French porn movie.
Your poem has given me an impetus to check out more erotica at allpoetry and perhaps try my hand (right one of course) at rendering some explicit verse.
Thanx for that!
Cheers
gGyration
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Thank you for all your thoughts, much appreciated
Windhover is a gret friend, who always gives gret advice specilly for the erotic ones lol...But he has helped me grow so much..So will definetly be spending sometime with this one over the next couple of days
I do hope you dabble in the world of erotica, I would be an interested reader tht's for sure
Stay happy
Cindy
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Windhover
May 10