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Alone

Looking out of her window
seeing people pass,
she wishes she was young again
out playing in the grass.
Her heart is tired and stumbling,
she knows she soon will die
but still a light there lingers
in the corner of her eye.

No one ever comes to call,
she sits there all alone.
Children all now live abroad,
they hardly ever phone.
Once the rafters rang with joy,
the house was then a home.
These days it is a prison
and her life is monochrome.

As the daylight ebbs away
the house is dark and still.
Too tired to move and get a meal
she lacks the strength of will.
Somewhere in the lonely hours
her vigil sadly ends,
in solitude she slips away,
no family and no friends.

-----------
The next door couple realise
it's weeks since they have seen
the poor old woman living there
behind that curtain screen.
The husband knocks upon her door,
there's no response at all.
He knows she must be in there....
maybe she's had a fall.

Peeping through the window pane
he sees a ghastly sight.
He runs to call emergency,
heart beating, full of fright .
Two policemen break the door down:
the smell is pretty bad!
Old woman died alone there,
uncared for, lonely, sad.

    : Comment:

Comments

  • Done
    December 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Sad, but true.

    I liked the aim, but the tone set by the quick meter felt too brisk to address a sad event like this. It seems more anecdotal to convey that we should take the time to care for one another, which is a very good sentiment.


  • Goin 2 Ashes gold member
    July 8, 2008
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    Excellent write

    Even though this is a tragic story of stark reality.
    It eas not done with melo drama and gushing tears, it was told
    in a matter of fact way, the way life really is.
    Technically it was well-written with good structue, rhyme and rhythm.

    Good Write,

    Rich

    language: 4, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.