Pain is running through my veins.
Feeding off the blood I drain.
Deadly thoughts rip through my mind,
eating all that's left behind.
Left at home, still and dead,
the night will shield the tears I shed.
Author notes
ummm...don't take this too seriously. I was just REALLY bored and thought I'd make a rhyming thingy...so I did...yeah.
COMMENT! =]
what do you think?
Comments
-
"Left at home, still and dead,
the night will shield the tears I shed."
The way you finished it was nice and the rhyme scheme you had throughout was great and kept a nice flow. Depressing but well written I wish it would have been a bit longer though.language: 4, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 3, form: 4.
-
ohohohohoh
I like the "veins" and "drain" like how you've rhymed them!! ( finnishes reading the poem) yea!!! I really like your rhymes!!! you should write more to this I wanna see this go somewhere. you should!!! this could really be great. I'm not even kidding! way to go emo!!! hooray!!! seriously, structure form. A+ all the way my friend. keep goinglanguage: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
Adding your comment:
