I leave you laying in putrid collections of water.
We’d spilt
not joined at birth
and for twenty-five years
You pulled at strings,
secretly attached.
Under your reign
I was the fool here
the black sheep there,
always a failing
embarrassment
Now,
taking down my evil
and
dominating her reign I
cancel out captivity.
She won’t
constrict again.
|
Um I don't know speak the truth lol :)
Sorry, you cannot respond to an archived poemReviews
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sounds like a woman breaking free from an unhealthy relationship................like the way the words draw a picture...........a declaration of freedom. nice job my dear!
. Rewarded 4
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I wrote this so it could be tken maany different ways...a relatable poem across the board...but what it is about...is dark & good being born as one but spliting...the person having split personalities where the bad is in control most the time etc...the battle and finally good reigns again
Good to see ur face back round here
Cin
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Inside information
Hey Cin. Lots going on here, but then I know more than the reader's supposed to. It's unfrilly and hard-hitting and I can see why the picture interested you. You could have taken a very different tack, knowing you! Good Write. >W<
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hehe you probably do know more lol
Man i nearly go a different way with this
but she wanted under 50 words...sucks lol..and I went over hehe..57, but they forgive sort of ten under, ten over etc
So the illness side of me came out in it instead...im setting up an erotic one soon on AP, need some people to write some amazing words hehehe take me on a ride
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Love this one cin...like finding strength to break free from an overbearing and dominant personality in your life. It reads to me like a sister, perhaps a twin? I'm probably wrong..and explains why I prefer to read others poetry than comment on it
But I loved it all the same. x -
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Hey Cal...wrong and right lol
It is about a dominating personality...more so the bad inside someone taking over...but good reigning again in the end
Al though I did write it so people would get many different things form it and thats why your not wrong
Cindy
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This is an interesting take on the picture you use. While I can understand how you got there from here, the poem needs some polish to remove the flaws. Your first line is nearly twice as long as every other line in the poem. That just looks wrong somehow. It also seems disconnected from the rest of the piece, but that may be just placement. If that were at the end, it might work better. Overall, I'm not sure who/what this is about. You use words and phrases that are associated with twins or siblings ("split", "black sheep", "joined at birth" & the way you used "evil"), but you did say "not joined" so I'm left to wonder. One of the things that makes a poem timeless is that it tells a story rather than making the reader scratching their head. Maybe it's just me...or maybe fleas...
~woof. Rewarded 8
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It is a starting to statement...seperating it would only take only from the hit of emotion, in saying leaving laying in putrid waters etc.
I'm not bothered with taking the time to reply again what it is about, refer to comment replies below
for what this is people honestly shouldnt be left scratching there head, their is enough to relate it to simply freeing yourself of someone..no matter who
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I like it...it was short and to the point...you decided what was going to happen or at least the person who was talking was going to decide what was going to be the conclusion of this....you put emotion into this poem at certain points in this piece of work....I got the feeling of being lost at the beginning then it went to more of a controlling and resentment type of feeling...you did great though...love your writes....
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Thnak you , your time and thoughts always appreciated
Cindy
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hey cinfully delicious
i'm too literal a reader and thought this was about finally being able to give the boot to a Svengali, controlling,manipulating type but this works just as well for riding yourself of a negative aspect of self.
dave. Rewarded 4
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lol...I tried to write this so that it would gain many interpretations..and it actually has...Some poems I wnt people to relate to what they want but still get the general emotion, general point...this is one of those....even your comment proves I did somewhat manage it hehehe
but yep biggest one it entails is riding yourself of the negative side of you...the dark soul in you etc , how ever you want to say it lol
Cin
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ladydwarf
May 18