Suffering

I have smiled at the tears of an Angel,  Laughed at the dying white dove.  i have caused agonizing pain,  and thrived in Darkness.   found consolation in a wilting rose, I reveled in the slightest slipping hope. and have heard the sweet sounds of misery.   I have mocked their very human existence here.   I've hurt them, yet felt no sorrow, only joy now.  I'm incompetent and unworthy of such appraise.  I have been unsatisfied by their happiness. Suffering is my name...

Author notes

umm...what do you guys think of this poem?? as you can see, i was really bored in my 1st period class and wrote something that was totally random. it sounds kinda dark and scary, well, to me anyway.

it also sounds like a very good start to a poem, and i was wondering if you all could leave some helpful comments that would make this poem just a little better. i want to be able to write really good sad and dark poetry.....

i just need some feedback on the way that it flows and how it's put together.

thank you Sachiro ^^

Comments

• By me, right now

  Adding your comment:
• 
  skipeople
  May 31, 2008
  
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  School is the best place to write, so boring sometimes! I think this is good, not your best, but good.
  
  I love the whole idea of you writing from the 'suffering's' point of view; it adds a nice twist and change in pace. This is very creative! It makes me want to go in your wake and try something like this, if that's cool with you, of course.
  
  ummm...let's see, I think the spacing is kinda weird...like the first verse seems single spaced, but then the last looks to be double. I do like how you left "I have moked their very human existance here" in a line to itself, adds an importance to it.
  
  Nicely done,
  Ash