Or, the pavement's all crushed earthworm and
a disheveled limb’s fallen on your street
not, somehow, toppling your telephone wires.
one could have seen things otherwise,
as a conservative, right-wing republican,
perhaps. as it happens, daylight settles,
spliced film loop shapes conmingle and
a damp breeze kindles a snuffed candle.
Reviews
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Attractive Apposites.
Hi Dearchicago. I really like this jumble of contrary conflicting images - "daylight settles", "wet breeze kindles" etc coming from the mouth of a "newspeak" neocon so efficacious at twisting half-truthes to their distorted idealogical advantage.
The first part also has some stirling imagery connected perfectly by dishevelled limb (lopped off?), telephone wires (cables an alternative?) and the wriggling morass of my favourite line:
"the pavement is all crushed earthworm."
Such a cool line I´d forgive you if you used it again and again!
Only line that felt slightly out of place for me (probably because I´m missing its point) is the second to last. I felt you could´ve perhaps added another rightwing contradiction here to build up to the final line.
Regards
gG
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Not going to lie, I had to read this twice. It made way more sense the second time around. Thought provoking for sure. Interesting. Wanted to keep reading to see how it unraveled, which was awesome by the way. I like this one a lot. I like the images, although dark and whatnot. I like the whole "conservative, right-wing republican" part. Makes perfect sense to me. It's just great. Really a good poem.
Nice job,
Adie. Rewarded 8
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Odd start...
I like the feel of this poem. It has an odd start though--like it picks up in the middle of something. Given the title, is it part of a linked series? (That would explain it.) You have a typo in the second to last line. You want "commingle" there. The structure makes it a little difficult to read, but that might be due to the broken start setting an broken pace. Even so, it has some good imagry. Hope this helps.... Rewarded 8
gnosisonG
May 23
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