You see her walking down the street
With her hair swaying all nice and neat
She's pretty and happy with that smiling face
But inside her heart it's a much darker place
In her mind it's raining throughout the night
And when morning comes the sun's out of sight
She isn't okay but it doesn't show
So despite all the hurt others don't know
It's just another day floating by
Another long day of asking God why
She stares at the heavens and she cries
As she think of how hard she really tries
Circling around her the world seems sad
Because no matter what things are still bad
But she will always find hope
Even when life's unbearable and she can't cope
That's how she gets up to walk down the street
With her hair swaying all nice and neat
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Reviews
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you are really a very good poet,well done you know how to bring from reality to poems and imagination and tot alk in someone else not you that is reall ywht is asked for in a person to put himself in the place of the poeple to judje himself,nice experience and nice way to write abt your past experience ,more and more and more you will be a great and much great poet you will see thumbs upp,and hear from me
lol
excellent poem and wonderful that you know your real side and amazing to hide feelings for good purposes..claps and claps...and by the way iam not over estimating,vice versa...u really provided excellent adj and everything well done...why isnt any comments?
complains abt poem:
1.u had to show her(you) that if you are a person that is really have to get something at the end..you will not stay long days of asking god why?(It's just another day floating by
Another long day of asking God why)if there is hope at the end will come up you have to show why did it come not from the tries it is something in you and so you have to say the type of the problem that made you like that ..you hav eto express more ..
2.(In her mind it's raining throughout the night
And when morning comes the sun's out of sight)
i understood this deep thought part (descriptive),and i liked it,great!
3.it seemed to be a great depression why didnt you give more expressions because your character seems to change situation as a reflection from the nature and it appears in the poem(She stares at the heavens and she cries)
(expressions are within nature,sometimes)<<==== just my thought.
4.she is a defendor for her life you show these in lines and others not like most of lines are showing this but this line coming with those doesnt,undersatand me?
(It's just another day floating by
Another long day of asking God why
She stares at the heavens and she cries
As she think of how hard she really tries)
these lines are wht iam saying abt.
if you made more expressively because it looked like a grt problem,and you showed the problem type i would maybe had another opinios and review
but you are a great poet,and iam happy for that there are people like you in life and in writing
NOTTEE:who am i to judge you iam sorry if you are upset but iam nothing to tell you anything,thxx for reading my comment..thx
. Rewarded 8
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what hope you have conveyed...its touching..
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Real
I think we've all been here. I like your writing. A lot of people seem to have an issue with poetry that is centered rather than on the left margin but i like it. I like the part at the end about always finding hope. That's the way you get through the hardest times in life. It's why I'm still around today. The only small suggestion is that on line 4 you change it's to is... keep writing! you are great!
disneygirl
July 27, 2008
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