Alone, with you
I have so many things to say
Alone, with just you
But my words cann’t find their voice
Alone, just me
You walk away
As I stutter on words I can’t speak
I want to shout
I want to hold you back, but the words don’t come out
( long music Intro)
I remember days
When it was me who walked away
And that look in your eyes
I couldn’t stand to look at, but I still didn’t stay
I saw your reflection in the glass of the door
You called me back
I turned, but I lacked
All what you had been looking for
And you started to lose the feeling,
Which you would lose entirely
That I could be all you need
and more
You let me walk away
And I walked away
But I came back
A little better
I wanted to show you all the things
I now could weather
Came back, crack in my smile, but picture posed
And I came back
To the door you had closed.
( music)
Alone Alone
I want to speak the words I left untold
Alone Alone
Walking in an empty field afraid and cold
Oh please don’t go
I was only a fool before
I was just a martyr with no cause
Suicidal child, too caught up in a world of her past loss
I love you
You love me
Tell me why does it have to be this way
You say there are limits on everyone
But I break all the speed limits
Could I break yours
We could go fast
We could go slow
but I can't stand to watch you go
I can't stand to never know.......
Author notes
I wrote this 6 days after my gf and I had broken up. I never found it really good as it is. I think I could make it better if I tweaked it though. There are parts that sound like a rap, and others that are slow. I'm trying to find the right tone. any suggestions?
is it like...okay
Comments
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omgsh!
Becca! I want to go thru all your songs and i want sing some of them if you give me the music inside your head, i'll find a way to bring it to life and have it be what its supposed to be, a great work of art! tell me what ya think cuz i think i could do this. i thnik WE could do this and get it down on disc or somethin! tell me tell me what ya think kk?
~Annalanguage: 5, rhythm: 4, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 4.
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It's good, but I do think you could tweak a thing or two. That may just be as simple as swapping out a few word choices, to help the flow. Then again, I don't hear the same music in my head as you do, I'm sure. I like the overall feeling a the tale that is presented. This is very harsh and real.
Great job,
Ash
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