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Summer

Now the days are blue
are warm and long and friendly
filled--latent--with potential
my own clinging sticky to my skin.
I let it lie along the cracks and fine hair
glistening and pale
until the sun the hot summer air
the lazy afternoons
burn it away. Swinging
in the hammock my weeks slip by
fast as the hummingbirds dart.
With each day I grow more restless
but the hours bring listlessness and lethargy
so I will stop mid-stride and
sleep.
The mornings I while away in slumber
the evenings in dewy sleep
the hot smell of pine sap
burnnnnnnning my nose with its warnings.
That cool and easy glade
that enchanted
green and untouched garden
it calls every moment
but I refuse to leave the city,
because I have always been
such a silly girl.

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Reviews


  • Papyrus
    June 6

    Edit | Reply

    heh. i'll be in the backcountry all summer long

    Nienna,

    it's been a while.

    i like the flow of this poem. very stream-of-conscience. seems lately my poetry has been ebbing that way too. but what i like about "Summer" in particular is the imagery you incorperate on almost every line. the cracks and fine hair swinging hammocks darting humming birds and the smell of pine burnnnnnnning your nose. because i know you are from NM, the word "enchanted" really stood out to me. maybe adding ponderosa somewhere in the mix could make where you are more apparent. idk. also, i'm not sure who the "you" is at the end. pshhh. forget him/her, whoever. just go!

    and yes, you are such a silly girl.

    best,

    Pap


    • Nienna Colle
      June 6
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks, buddy. My first week of summer was pure laziness. It was terrible. I didn't do anything. I slept upwards of 13 hours every day. I would sit for hours just...breathing. Completely ridiculous. I'm not as lazy now, which is good. I'm glad the stream of consciousness flow worked for you, it was completely written as I thought all this, and I was sort of frustrated with myself for being this way.

      And the "you" can defintiely be taken out. Or it could if I wanted it to be a good poem. I suppose.

      Anyhow. Thanks, Pap.

      Nienna

      PS If I'm silly what the heck are you?? You surpass my silliness in every way imaginable!


  • Colin Night
    June 6

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, Nienna. Just wow. This is amazing. It definetly works. It paints such a vivid picture in my mind. I can feel the summer coarsing behind this poem. This poem is everything that summer is. I loved
    "burnnnnnnning my nose with its warnings"
    Cause you can feel the burning in your nose and the words bring out the feeling in the way you strectched out burning. I can feel the dew in the "that cool and easy glade...enchanted"
    This is amazing Nienna.
    The only part that breaks the rhymthn a bit is at the end. The last couple of lines break the easy rhymthn a bit. You might want to explore with that a bit and try different wordings or even a different ending. But it's your call. The poem is amazing as it is.
    Amazing job, Nenni.
    Love,
    -Colin


  • Papyrus
    August 15
    Edit | Reply
    Nenni,

    i came back to this one...

    and the ending is much better. you did omit the "you" which sounded awkward...

    and your sensory details are as impacting as ever. i know i mentioned them in my last comment, but re-reading it again several months later was like reading it for the first time. maybe i'm just missing NM too much, idk. but i could really smell the pine burrrrning my nose and see the humming birds dart by. oh yes, nature is calling in this poem. lol. i hope you left the city for a good portion of you summer. i really really really miss the mountains. oh! i miss the sweet smell of Ponderosa! and no humidity. it hit me like a wall when i crossed the NM/OK boarder and i've been sticky ever since.



    -Pap ;>