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Trees

Trees, Trees
all around me
Sticks, Sticks
all around to pick
Now, i see bees!!

what do u think

    : Comment:

Comments


  • mr backwards
    March 11, 2009
    Edit | Reply
    THIS IS THE BEST POEM I HAVE EVAR READ.

    rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5.


  • skipeople
    June 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Um...it could use some work. I like the idea, but it lacks flow. Maybe try shorter, stabbing lines like...

    Trees, trees
    all around
    Sticks, sticks
    upon the ground
    Now, I see bees!

    Or something like that. You could even make it longer like...

    Trees, trees
    all around
    Sticks, sticks
    upon the ground
    Now, I see bees
    and sycamore trees

    Butterfly wings
    flutter with ease
    Flower buds
    dance in the breeze

    Or somthing along the line of that.

    Keep on trying, you have good style and lots of potentional! =]

    Much luck,
    Ashley