O how my heart aches, I can scarce bear the sharp pain
Of interminable longing and wistful dreams;
My eyes mist over with warm self-pitying tears
As I recall how love lay dying in my arms.
My life is a sad empty desert of nothing,
A meaningless vale of friendless tear-drenched sorrow.
Why, O God, must I struggle through life so alone,
Without the comfort of e'en one companion?
But soft! I dimly hear a ringing of a bell -
Perhaps my heartfelt prayers will be answered this night.
Almost fearfully I look through the sad window
And see my long-lost mother standing at the door.
"What the fuck do you want, you ugly stinking slut?"
I yell out before turning the hosepipe on her,
Sending the fat cow sprawling on her cellulite arse.
Is the ending too harsh?
Sorry, you cannot respond to an archived poemReviews
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Wow, how fascinating that no one read this at all in nearly 3 weeks! Great!
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hey edna
i'd give this a 6 on a scale of 10, the last stanza had some shock value. i saw you commented on your own poem, it appeared your intention was to get others to make a comment, but if you want comments why not comment on other peoples poems (not mine necessarily) then they in turn would return more comments on your work. but i sense that would be beneath you. you think your so mucher hipper, and chic than the rest of the poets here, why bother when your so much more talented. thats just my opinion but i think there's a lot of poets here on sharepo that are as good as you if not better.
dave -
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Your grammar is not too good, is it?
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hey edna
my grammer? i didn't know you were such a prim and proper grade school teacher. it also seems you've avoided my response, why do you expect comments but don't leave any?
dave
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maybe you should try drugs
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yes.
your ending is not only harsh...it is actually uncalled for...no matter what your mother did to you in the past, she does not deserve the kind of words that you have written here...she is still your mother and you wouldn't be alive today, no matter what your circumstance if it was not for her...so, your ending is not extra nice as you say...your attitude must be the reason why you are alone...you don't deserve anyone... -
Harsh Isn t Always Unjust.
To my sub-aural conchial hearing this resounds with unrequited concupiscence my dear (forgive my unwarranted familiarity) Ms Sweetlove.
Maternal misgivings projected onto an almost unbearable desire for a partner to bear the burdens of an urban hermit cloistered in uncompromising seclusion.
The poetic beat even when you depart from stringent setup is nearly flawless - which strengthens your trochaic departures (in my my admittedly myopic view).
You resoundingly eschew the redundance of peerish praise by bowel-dropping defecation of beautifully contrived verse.
Undoubtedly you will be most peeved by the flatulent adulation colouring this review but
Fuck it I find your rancid indiscretions of this and past excretions thouroughly refreshing.
In this particular passage I did however miss a final unlinked line that might mayhap provide a form of viral closure (if not metaphoric butt-plug) to provide further dilation of the gaping aperture presented by the colloquial conclusion of your closing stanza.
Firmly clenched but sincere regards
agGast
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loneliness is a matter of choice.Forgiveness is divine but deep seated resentment is harmful.
Ofcourse the tone is harsh and ends with a cathartic spewing of venom againt the mother.Distasteful bit of poetry.
Edna Sweetlove
August 2, 2008
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