i saw the mule deer dancing
i heard the aspen quaking
singing
to the light of the sun
the spin of the earth
and my feet skipped
to the throbbing rythm
of the breathing
symphonic reeling
of Creation
until i came upon a meadow
of waist-high sunflowers
of knee-high dandelions
ready to explode
and took my boots off
and walked barefoot into the green
grass and wildflowers
leaving behind footprints
of un-uttered gratitude
and surrendered
to the wind's playful beckoning
and buried myself like a mustard seed
beneath the penny-less topsoil.
Reviews
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Gorgeous (I don't usually gush). The first part of this has a kind of spiralling intensity to it, like you're abandoning yourself to the mystery and beauty in front of and around you, relinquishing in a sense. And it hits a crescendo and introduction of a rhapsodic theme when you take your shoes off. ..."footprints / of unuttered gratitude" gives a perfect image of both relief and release. The addition of "penny-less topsoil" also hints at the desire to do away with all material things. There is a hoped-for transformation from the beginning as you take in the environment, exult in it and then become a part of it. This is a very fine poem Pap. "buried" has one r, I'm sure you know. Cheers, MJ
. Rewarded 8
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Gorgeous, indeed
Mojo,
thanx for the read. i was hiking the other day, as my notes suggest, and i sorta wrote this one in my head, but didn't write it down till a day or two later. many a poem has been lost this summer in the same way...
i appreciate your English-teacher eye, as i tend to misspell words quite often, and the computer i was writing on didn't have auto spell-check. my MacBook has spoiled me. haha...
anyhow, i was hoping to write a more positive poem to offset the last one i wrote, "Itinerary." the hard part for me is to be positive without being cliche. i was reading a Psalm from The Message translation of the Bible, very poetic, and it talked about dancing with the animals, which is where i got the inspiration for the first couple lines. but basically i tried to translate the spiritual high of hiking through what is called "God's Country" into words. i think this one came out quite close to what i felt at the time.
i changed a few "the's" into "this's" to create a more in-the-moment or personal tone, and corrected two typos, as Leigh pointed out that i had misspelled "dandelion."
thank you for the read and comment,
Pap
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beautiful.
i can almost feel myself dancing and skipping along with you...there is a freshness and lightheartedness to this poem that makes me want to read it over and over again...it gives me a wonderful optimism about life and the creations that God has made...thanks for sharing this great read, pap
kudos!!!
p.s. uhm, about the "dandelions" - you spelled it with an "i" before the lions...must be a typo..
. Rewarded 8
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Hmmm..took me back to my childhood......running through meadows in Idaho with the mountains behind me.........thanks for that.......very liked this trip down memory lane when I danced as a little girl amidst the wild flowers........uh oh! Think you just inspired a piece!
. Rewarded 6
August 2