I can only blame my own dam self
for being so lame and selfish
naïve was I at that time
noob was I for thinking you'll be mine
inexperience, I can't fault
I just was lustful
I let body control mind
thinking that you would be mine
Foolish I was for my thoughts
Suffer now I still must
Sworn in blood never to think
to feed this so called need
I change your name to protect you
That is the least I can do
Please I beg protect your ways
innocence in every way
That is way I fell in love
But following would destroy that love
I hope your windmill
still floats over clouds
Lusted I did
Lust is sin
Thus, I was burned
Thus, I learned
Foolish I was for my thoughts
Suffer now I still must
Sworn in blood never to think
to feed this so called need
I change your name to protect you
That is the least I can do
Please I beg protect your ways
innocence in every way
Let the name of guilty stand
Mark in time and history
Before her I will humbly
Beg for her to destroy me
Let the name of guilty stand
Mark in time and history
Let it ring though out the land
now let the guilty hang
Let the innocent remain clean
That I what I beg from knee
Lord O lord please
transfer any guilt to me
Please O please,
Stay innocent
Just that one thing for me
Let my conscience burn
and yours remain clean
Painful feelings
Painful guilt
Let this pain
Repay you
Suffer now I still must
Burning in hell would be just
Let this guilt burn in me
Let me learn and grow
Name changed to protect innocence
Painful feelings I endure
Let my face not give you pain
Let my name fade away
Do any of you get the windmill part?
Sorry, you cannot respond to an archived poemReviews
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MAN! I like this, I like the way your rearrange the words in a line to be less predictable, and increasingly clever and rhythmic!! It is song like with the refrain. Cheers!!
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Thank you, was was going for a song like thing but I though it might be strange.
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i don't get the windmillpart...
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Reference to the song Feel Good Inc. This part of the song,
"Windmill, windmill for the land
Turn forever hand in hand
Take it all in on your stride
It is ticking falling down...
Love forever, Love is free
Lets turn forever you and me
Windmill, windmill for the land-
Is everybody in?"
In the music video that goes with the song, the windmill on an island represents mental peace. It's a way I though of to say, “I hope I didn't destroy your mental peace.”
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Hey Comeback
In the opening line you mispelled damn, I think there were some others too but that's such a simple mistake and easy fix. What is "noob"? LoL I've never heard of that one before. And I think changing the order of your words to fit a rhyme makes it sound really forced and unnatural, but that's just my opinion. I enjoyed the love aspect of the poem and the thoughtfulness to change or hide his/her name to protect them, as your title of the poem states. I thought the flow and rhythm of the poem need a little bit of work and touching up, or we often use the word "tightening" to describe this. I didn't understand the windmill thing in the poem itself. I read somewhere else what you were going for but the poem alone didnt give that to me. You list this as lyrics, I believe that they could make a good song, but the repitition doesn't work that well for the poem. At least in my opinion, it kinda makes it too long and redundant. But put to music ya might have something special b/c in music ya need a chorus, bridge, etc. etc. So there needs to be refrain. So ya never know. Overall I liked what you were saying, I thought the form and the way you were saying it need a little tightening, maybe remove some of the extra lines where you repeat yourself, at least for the poem version of it. Good job and thank you very much for sharing, I thought you did a good job portraying love, giving the good with the bad. I'd like to hear your opinion on some of my love poem, if you have the time of course. Hope to hear from ya sometime soon and thanks for sharing once again.
TTYL
MM
. Rewarded 8
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no, actually
I find it hard to follow because of the lack of puncunation. -
confusing.
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Confusing
Comeback,
I find it hard to follow because of the lack of puncunation. I did not honestly understand the direction the poem was going. You tied the poem into the title well, but I don't understand what you are getting at.
I do like the use of repetition of lines, but there is a little too much to justify it with the poem itself. Your style is nice all the same.
. Rewarded 6
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Confusing
CarlySeye
August 17, 2008