I wish I could
find happiness
and put it in a pill
that you could swallow
and feel pure joy
Or better yet
take that happiness
and smoke it
and the more you smoke
the happier you get
Or how about
putting happiness
in powder form
where you could
take a straw
or rolled up dollar bill
and snort all that happiness
up your nose
and feel the happiness
drip down your throat
but even better
would be
to make happiness
something you could shoot
mainline it right into a vein
and bam
instant happiness
so you could
literally OD on happiness
but come to think of it
people have been
swallowing, smoking
snorting and shooting
things to make them happy
for centuries
but have only become
more miserable
maybe were just
not supposed
to be happy
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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POWERFULL STUFF!
What a message! Something had you stired! Great descriptions of the varies types of drug and alcohole use. Overall I heard - I heard I wish I could be happy. But if these are the things we must do to be happy, then maybe we weren't to be happy. Because no matter how hard you try you will never find happiness this way. Cudos!
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hey brian
i think whats damaging to people is the expectation of happiness, most of life is drugery, people use drugs thinking it'll make the drudery better but it doesnt or not in the long run. better to take your suffering like a man.
dave
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aww sounds like something john lennon would write..i like it.
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thanks for the comment LL
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OK
This is pretty good! I like the idea of the whole thing! Need to put in an apostrophe to make the word were into we're. Meaning...we are. Other than that good job!
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hey firefly55633
thanks for commenting. glad you liked the idea. i'll fix the apostrophe.
dave
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oh darn, now you got me thinking...
yea, probably, we are not supposed to be?
witty poem dave. maybe our forms of happiness are kinda different but we are talking about happiness, just the same. It's kinda elusive to me nowadays too. Or maybe, i'm just overanalyzing things.....oh well....
hey, how's the family?
Lynne -
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hey lynne
nice to hear from. i always go back to what the buddha said, that all life is suffering, and maybe thats not so bad except when we expect to be happy all the time,then your really unhappy, so i guess your not doing so bad.
josephine is in Manilla now with our daughter Anjelica, her mom died, Anjelica is a big hit in the Philipinnes cause she's mestiza and to think i wanted a nice dark brown baby.
dave
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It wouldn't let me applaud. This lends a new meaning to virtually broke.
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hey poem
thanks, virtually broke is a funny line. you might want to change your handle i clicked on and it bought me to a poetry page.
dave -
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Yes. It's being screwy, but I like a little screwballs every now and again.
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Very Good
WOW! Skynard's "Smell of Death" is here!
I really got twisted reading this. Which is a good thing. Addicts are always looking for that one perfect high: the very first high they ever had which is why they're addicts to begin with. The speaker is so optimistic ("better yet") and then dumps the reader on his/her ass at the end. I like that because it is in that way the real message comes through. I was twisted at the beginning and untwisted by the ending. Way to go!
Grammatically, second to last stanza get rid of "things" and just change "were" in the last stanza to "we're" and it's done!
Thanks for sharing this
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 4, form: 5.
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hey willow1818
thanks for the insightful comment. the way you read the poem was the intention and i'm glad you picked it up.
dave
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I liked the very gradation of your poem and the excellent corelation with which you have twined your thoughts..An amazing work indeed!!!
Thanks for sharing Dave..I quite enjoyed the technique of the poem with a sad tone though...
RD
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hey RD
thanks for the nice comment. really appreciated.
dave
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ha! that's so good. so true. wow, that's just awesome (in a depressing way, of course)
-adie -
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hey adie
thanks for commenting.
dave
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Dave,
I like it. It's very true, and it shows the stages of thought really well. Perhaps another category could be wishful thinking? Oh, and I replied to your comment on my poem
Hopefully I clarified a few things.
language: 4, rhythm: 1, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 4.
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hey alex
thanks for commenting and clarifying.
dave
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Of all the poets on this site...
... I think only you have really found your voice, something recognisable, authentic, your own.
Wonderful to "hear" it again. Stay well.
Best RA
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hey RA
i don't knowif I'm the only one, but thanks, i guess havng your own voice at least makes you authentic.
dave
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hey dave
I like the whole idea you have here b/c like every other honest person I like drugs, but like you say at the end of the poem, in the end they only make you miserable. So I enjoyed the poem and agreed with what you were saying until the very end, the last three lines b/c...well IDK if we're "supposed" to be happy, but we can be happy you just have to see drugs for what they really are, they're a tool. Not in the sense of a hammer but more like a book. As in when you're completely all done with it(them) you SHOULD have learned something from it or at least taken something or some knowledge from the experience that you hadn't had before. And after that it's up to the individual to do what they want with those tools. I mean you could read all the books in the world and be the smartest man, know every word in the dictionary but if you don't step out and use what you've learned then what good is it?? Other than that good poem, thanks for sharing.
TTYL
MMlanguage: 2, rhythm: 3, subject: 2, tone: 2, form: 3.
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hey marcus
this definetly wasn't some anti-drug rant, like DARE or just say no, or hugs not drugs which are obnoxious and subject for lambasting in another poem. like you say drugs are tools, but i don't think drugs can make a person a happy like a saw can't be used as a hammer. (i'm getting really stupid here) also there's lots of junkies, crack heads, alcoholics etc. who i don't consider happy. worse yet is that a doctor can prescribe prozac, paxil etc. to make you happy. i think what screws people up is their expectation of happiness, a lot of life is a grind.
ok now i'll get off my soap box.
dave -
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lol
agreed -
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seconded
indeed
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True dat my home skizzles! Yeah, I don't know either. . .
But it's true I suppose, the only problem drugs aren't happiness exactly. Besides, some of us see death as happiness, which I'm sure with enough drugs, we'll find. I mean, they'll find >> << >> << >>
Anywho, this is a nice write man.
Ashley
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thanks ashley
good to hear from you.
dave
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