Pathetic,weak, I may be
I wasn't prepared
I thought it meant more to you
I'm fighting the urge..
to collapse to pieces
to stop forcing my lungs to breathe
to let go of my self-restrain
to weep over my broken hopes
to let the the stitches in my heart come undone
Everything around me moves forward
while im fixated,in a trance, missing you
you said " I want you forever"
as far as I know, forever isn't over yet
so why are we??
our "perfection" ended for no convincing reason
I'm having difficulty choosing from all your lame excuses
I let my guard down for you
I let you in
I overflowed with my feelings for you
Like you asked me to
I gave you my heart courageously
You threw it back separately
How do I come back from that?
Because, trust me, I want to…
I want to get over you
I want to move on
I want my sanity back
I want to get rid of the shadows…
Of the suffocation
Of you…
But how?
How can I forget?
How can I stop my tears?
How can I collect the pieces of my heart together?
How can I restrain my thoughts? …
My dreams?
My hopes?
How?
I want no one but you
Your loss is killing me
But wanting you after all you did is...pathetic
Strong I am, but I'm up to my ears in this…
Drowning uncontrollably…
Yet fighting it for the sake of dignity
I miss you, I love you, but I can't ever let you know
Wipe my tears
Paint on a smile
Face the world like the whole person that I'm not….
Not after you…
You took a part of me with you
Will I get it back?
They say time heals everything
I'll let time work and hope it doesn't take forever
Because if I stay like this…
With thoughts of you wrecking my mind
With memories of you consuming my soul
With grief over you washing over my body
I'll need a miracle to bring me back
Get attached like this… never again
Let someone in like this… never again
Have hope for something like this… never again
Put my heart through a state like this…never again
Give up so much like this… never again
September 11, 2008