Always fixing whats not here,
draining ideas of your Christ complex
leaves me vacant.
Your conviction the only thing left.
I am seeping through
your poorly constructed barriers,
Nail yourself to that cross,
I will still fall
my supposed hell waiting,
YOU can't save me.
Lift me higher,
heights don't frighten me.
Offer me salvation
I will not accept
YOUR gods forgiveness.
I am not your sinner.
Author notes
Haven't been on in awhile and need your knowledge to bounce my ideas off of.Lost my at home idea bouncer. So Please just tell me what you thin
Hows my punctuation?
Comments
-
Stubborn missionary or reluctant convert?
Hey Red. Nice to see you back. This is an interesting poem, with a wonderfully poetic conceit at its heart if I'm not mistaken. I wonder if the title is what you intend it to be. What I get here is more aof a reluctant/stubborn convert than a stubborn missionary. You (the would-be convert, right?) refuse to accept this Jesus-complexed missionary's teachings. You intend to corrupt him and continue on your merry route to Hell. Or do I misunderstand?
If I AM right, you need to change the title and make the opening 3 lines clearer, something like
Your Christ complex is always fixing
what doesn't need fixing
draining me
Then 'I will still fall' needs to be something much more threatening like 'I will drag you down'
and 'it's easier to fall that way' could be spiced up to be 'I'm not afraid of heights'
These were my impressions. Forgive me if I've 'gone off on one' having got totally the wrong idea. Hugs >W<
-
-
almost
I don't want to drag them down with me I don't care what they believe I just want them to leave me and my beliefs alone. That being said I am making a few changes to make it more clear.
-
-
This is a strong poem.
The question of faith always has been and always will be full of controversy. What to believe or not to believe is always open to much debate. It is debated all the time, In fact, there is probably more than one argument going on right now about who is right in their beliefs. There are more different faiths out there than I can name. I once met an athiest, I liked her. I didn't know for a long time that she was an athiest, until I made the common statement of "Thank God!..." At which point she firmly announced she did not believe in GOD! I was a little surprised and didn't really know what to think. I came from a small town and had never met anyone with a lack of "Faith". She snidely asked what God fearing faith followed. I politely told her "I was raised Christian, that is my family has Christian beliefs, and we went to church on occasions but not regularly." She started asking me pointed questions as to what I believed. To most of this I answered "I'm not sure." She finally asked me "How can you even believe in God?" then added "You're not sure about anything." I told her I honestly didn't know. I explained that I no longer go to church because I've come to believe that many organized religious intitutions or churches are false. I further explained that in my heart I didn't feel I needed to go sit in a church and listen to someone I didn't know tell me what I should believe in order for the God I believed in to love me. That line of thinking doesn't make sense to me. Most "Firm Believers" will readily tell you that we are all God's children. If that's true why would he turn his back on one of his children simply because they don't like to be told what to do by strangers. It doesn't make sense to me. That would mean that every person not raised within traveling distance of a church, or simply unable to attend one for other reasons, would be damned. That's like saying you're not my relative to someone in your family just because they live far away from you. Nonsense! Well to try to make a long story short soon there after I quite seeing this young woman whom I'm had truly liked. Don't judge me yet! You see it wasn't because she was an athiest. It was she because after that all she wanted to talk about was religion. Ironic isn't it. I think that everyone has the right to believe whatever they want without someone trying to force feed them their beliefs on them. Sorry I'm so long winded but ofcourse I wanted to tell the story accurately so that it didn't lose meaning on the editing table so to speak. As to the poem itself I think your opening lines are strong. Always fixing whats not here- typical of many religious people. They want to fix what they see as a problem that to you doesn't even exsist. I like your next two lines. Many religious people come across like they are your personal saviour because they are going to bring you to Christ. Your fourth line is very true. When it all comes down to it they only have their conviction not proof. The next three line are good. They clearly say it doesn't matter they do they can't save you from the hell that awaits you. I like the way you capitolized {YOU} the same as religious people capitolize GOD. It re-enforces the fact that they come across as if the think they are God. I'm not sure why you placed lift in all caps. other than to emphasize it. In my opinion it doesn't need it. The point you're making is clear. I like the way you end this by telling you them you don't care what they believe you don't see yourself as a sinner they need to save in the first damn place.
-
-
Long, thats for sure
Thank you for taking the time to put so much effort into telling me how you felt while reading my poem. The emotional response to it is what every poet is looking for. For the record I have nothing against religion in fact my beliefs are held very close to my heart. The important thing to remember is that religion is about you and your life story having someone else believe diffrently is not the issue its people wishing to push a change of their core, their uniqueness. Anyway thank you for writing and reading my poem.
-
Adding your comment:
