Penmanship degrades
as fingers swell.
Letters blend together,
eyes squint to read them.
To the outside mind
they are just pages
to be nodded at
but ignored as
not worth the trouble.
Those scribbles and scratches
can't have meaning.
But when she speaks
everyone listens
for her words are elegant
they echo with meaning.
Those words
that come from
those pages.
The title... how is it?
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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LittleCrimsonJester, this was an interesting concept. She can't write well for some reason (illness) but when she reads what she has written, everybody listens. Her voice, unlike her penmanship, is beautiful. I liked this.
Birdie
language: 5, rhythm: 4, subject: 4, tone: 4, form: 4.
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loved it
Really like this, good job. Sounds like maybe the rough copy, ideas and thought process of an inspiration speech or something. I often find when I have a presentation to do, the final product is decent but if I look back to my notes it's a bunch of incohrent jumble and scribbles of random words and thoughts on paper
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Wow, LCJ,
This is great. I haven't read anything by you, or even talked to you in ages. How are you?
Your poetry continues to be amazing and get better and better. I love this poem, it's talking about the work behind the finished project. At least, to me it is.
It's wonderful. I like the title, but there are many titles it could have as well.
Happy New Year,
-Colin -
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Thank you
I am doing well just doing a lot more work on my novel instead of poetry. Thank you for reading it and I'm glad you liked it.
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I think it should be Scribbles.
It works though. Are you by chance describing some with severe arthritis? Or perhaps just someone that aged in general has gotten the best of. This has a valid moral. Things can have so much more meaning than they appear to at a glance. I curious why you broke away from your shorter line format through the middle. I have some suggestions that you may or may not like. I think {they are} would fit better than {it's] and {then} would sound better than {but}. Then I would tend to break those longer lines down so the fit the format better.
See if you like the way this reads:
To the outside mind
they are just pages
to be nodded at
then simply ignored.
as not worth the trouble
Those scribbles and scratches
can't have real meaning.
I think this would help the flow of the poem. Ofcourse those are just my thoughts and this is your poem. This is a simple poem but I like it.
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Thanks
I think you are right about the line length I tweaked it a little bit thanks for your thoughts.
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