My hands grope through the blackness
though it finds nothing to hold on to.
My eyes search for a light
but only finds empty space.
But then
slowly,
I learn to see without your light
I learn to hear without your voice
I learn to feel without your support.
Adjusting,
slowly,
to the blackness.
The light is not on yet
but it's getting near.
But slowly
I will move on
live on
without you.
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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OOOH!! TWILIGHT!!! TEAM EDWARD!!!
Ok, sorry, I get a bit obsessed when it comes to twilight xD
Anyways, it's great!! It fits Edward *sighs* and Bella perfectly. It's great!! I love it!
I love this stanza:
"My hands grope through the blackness
though it finds nothing to hold on to.
My eyes search for a light
but only finds empty space."
Great job!
Hope.
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Twilight? TWILIGHT! TWILIGHT TWILIGHT TWILIGHT!!!!!
Now that's done with, great job. You've captured Edward/Bella perfectly. Did you enjoy the book? Of course you did! I have several poems inspired by Twilight s if you're interested just let me know. -
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ROFL
OMG you guys are hilarious! Yes, I enjoyed all 4 books very much, and I felt like punching a wall when it all ended. The 4th book kind of took a wierd twist, though.
Still the best series I have ever read.
My fave characters are Alice and Carlisle. Alice, is... awesome in her own Alice way,
and Carlisle is full of wisdom, self-control, and compassion. If I had to meet any old man, it'd be Carlisle! WOO! GO Carlisle!!!
- A.C.
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points!
forgot to rate!
language: 4, rhythm: 5, tone: 4, form: 5.
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poignant
Your poems are always short and to the point. I love that but I would also encourage you to not cut yourself short. This poem is not an example of that so please don't think this is a comment on this. But in general I believe you may think of yourself as better in small doses. That is not true when it comes to expressive literature. Feel free to let your work evolve a little longer sometimes. -
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Actually...
I know what you're saying... but I don't believe it's better smaller. It's just, usually, when I get to the end, my mind goes blank. I just can't evolve it from there. I'll try next time, though.
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This has an unstoppable rhythm to it and good flow. No words wasted, none needed. I like the beginning lines of the last stanza:
"The light is not on yet
but it's getting near."
A subtle use of "near" gives it a different shade of meaning.
Triumph of the minimal. Nice work. MJ -
I love this poem. It's so beautifully blunt, but poetically deep. Sad, yet the tone is independent, like learning to walk again. Beautiful, beautiful, write.
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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Thanks guys
I appreciate the critizism and all. It means a lot to me. I'll edit it later today. -
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Hold up!
WOH WOH WOH. PLEASE do NOT edit this poem. If there's any spelling errors, then yea, but please do not change any of the content in this poem. It's too beautiful. -
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Haha
Okay, I'm totally on you with that, I don't think it needs any editing either. I just wanted to before because someone was recommending it. But nevermind. I appreciate the concern.
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I wonder...
where you got the inspiration for this. It sounds like it may have religious connotations. I like the combination of line length. I usually like the more even ones but this reads well. You need to change your second line a little. On the first you have {your hands grope} and on the second you have {it finds}. You need {they find}. I don't know that they hurt anything but you don't need the three commas. All in all, not bad.
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Thanks Brian
Thanks. I'm not religious - actually, I was inspired after reading a book. Nothing religious. -
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'bout Adjusting
Can you give me some more insight to what it means for you and what inspired it? Whether you are real religious or religious at all that was the way I interpreted it. Someone else might have a totally different take on it. I've seen that happen on poems before. I'll see three different comments with three different views and I'll get something different out of it. Anyhowdy, if you have time.
BKB
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Sure
All right, so this has nothing to do with religion. But I was reading this book called "Twilight", and the two main characters are so inseperable that in the second one when the other main character leaves the other person completely breaks down. So this poem kind of came from the idea of a situation like that and what it could do to you. I have no experience with this sort of thing but it just sort of popped up in my head. You know? It doesn't mean anything to me in particular except it reminded me of that book. I don't mind your question. I was happy to answer.
-AC
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