"tonight
...
i feel FAT"
i wrote these words
not too long ago
now i have the proof that i need
the scale
hitting 100.4
and i feel
...so...
{[digusting}]
and i just want to cut
cut the fat away
cut away my flabby thighs
cut away my hips and stomach
cut away everything
that could be construed as fat
[oh how i hate this
oh how i hurt]
i wanted to carve the numbers
100.4
deep into my wrist
or my thigh
or my shin
as a constant reminder
as it heals into scabs
as it heals into scars
that i hit
the weight i said i would NEVER be
i hate myself
and i shouldn't be having this gum
and i shouldn't have eaten
so terribly much for breakfast
and today
i promise myself
i will not eat lunch
but i just want to cry
i don't wanna be fat
but i know
deep in my
[vacant]
heart
that i need to eat
that i don't want to fall
deep into this pit again
a pit of endless starving
and eating and purging
of weight loss and euphoria
or weight gain and depression
it will make me weak
it will NOT make me strong
and i need to repeat that
[endlessly]
so i do not do what i think i want to do
Comments
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100.4 is skinny, especially for a 16 year old! You shouldn't be worrying about your weight; unless you are extremely short that is not a bad weight! Trust me. I weigh more than that, and I'm twelve! =]
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i'm 5'1.5", about....it's fat to me...
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If you check you're BMI I'm sure you'll find that it's healthy.
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it's about 16...if i'm 95...which is my normal weight..so it's probably average at 100.4...but i don't want to be average, i want to be skinny....
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