When I was a child, my home was not rich.
My clothes second hand and several with stitch.
My mother's poor mind was soon to unhitch.
And I too, was losing my way.
Faced with a challenge no one would request.
She saw her burden and viewed it as blessed.
And even when keeping her passion repressed.
She always knew just what to say.
Many would view her methods as mad.
She always made do with the little we had.
Her smile ever constant not slipping to sad.
Dark nights she would solemnly pray.
But no matter how bad things seemed to get.
There was always one thing, she’d never forget.
Some day she’ll know how much that it meant.
When we woke up on Christmas day.
She had us write down the things we desired.
We flocked her with pages of what we required.
She then set out, trying hard to acquire.
The toys that we wanted to play.
With little but none in her pocket to spend.
Our needs and our wants, together she’d blend.
The Santa illusion, til death she’d pretend.
Not once giving any secrets away.
On that hallowed morn at once we awoke.
To the peak of the twilight our minds did evoke,
a feeling so strong it could never be broke.
In our beds we just could not stay.
Through shivering hall to the tree we would race.
Where Santa had prized, and mom left no trace.
She needed not but the looks on our face.
Our smiles were more than adequate pay.
The lights on the tree shined and shimmered.
The fireplace flickered creating a glimmer.
Hearing the bubbles of stew as it simmered.
A feeling like everything would be okay.
I do not remember the things that I got.
The truth is, alas, they mattered not.
She carried this tradition, since I was a tot.
Shaping the world as if it were clay.
I hope that I can mold her clay into real.
And now our Christmas bond I will seal.
The message I give her to convey how I feel,
is this poem that I share here today.
Author notes
My brother and I grew up in a single parent house hold with my mother. The world will always be hard on those who must forge their own path. My mother was one of those people and though her/our path was rough at times she was always able to keep Christmas special.
Comments
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Nice!
I'm not much of a poet, but my fave lines were 31 and 32. I've always loved the concept of the sacrificial love of a mother, asking nothing in return. I guess line 41 was my least favorite, 'cause I'm not sure I understood. What is the clay? The world she shaped for you, or the life she hoped for you? How would you mold the world she shaped for you into real? A real what? Overall I liked it, it just felt a little choppy for me in some places.
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I've already read and left a comment,but I'm reading it again.I think this is just great and i really mean it .Great rhyming,beautiful poem and i don't have any critic to give.I know and understand that you expect a constructive criticism and that my comment is only motivating ,but that's all i can give.It was nice to read it again.
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Thank you
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great narrative poem. :)
i was really touched with your poem, enoq...this is because you have spun a great story into a narrative poem that does not only speak of your past but also your desire to pay tribute to your mom who made the best out of almost nothing at all just so you can have the best during christmas...my mother is the same...which is why i can really relate...
as for the style that you adopted into making your narrative poem, all i can say is that you really know how to write with rhyme and rhythm, which i really admire (because i don't know how to do this...heheheh) there are some typo errors that i can see in your piece but they are just small blemishes to a great poem that you can correct if you want...one of these is the "mothers" in the third line of the first stanza, this should be "mother's"...the second is the "till" in the third line of the 6th stanza, this should be "'til" because "till" has a different meaning altogether (know what i mean?
)...and the third is in the second line of the 10th stanza "The truth is alas, that they mattered not." Grammatically, this should be "The truth is, alas, they mattered not." With this line, the flow of your 10 stanza's first line to the second would also be a tad better...
i hope you don't mind the corrections that i posed... i just want to let you know though that i really enjoyed this read...thanks for pointing this poem out my way. 
kudos!
leigh
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Thank you
I made the changes you suggested and indeed it does flow better. Not to mention a tad more correct =). Thank you for taking the time to help me with this.
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It's really beautiful and emotional .What makes this poem so special is story behind it and the love you have for your mother .Nicely done !
~Feb~
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I really Love this poem, Its not the first time I read it. I think its great becasue it tells a wonderfull story. Thank You for the Add.
language: 4, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 4.
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I am glad.
This is one of the rare few I like in my collection. I am glad you were able to relate to it. Thank you.
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Oh what a lovely tribute to your mom.....my childhood was simimlar so you really struck a chord. nice piece!
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Thank you
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Beautifully written
Incredible use of imagery
like I was actually witnesing this.
which is the point... but still
Haha, your write's simply AMAZING.
I loved it.
Great work!
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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Thank you so much!
I really loved this piece which is rare for me. I am glad you could relate to it.
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Between this one and the Poem of the old shack close to your house, i'd have to say your mother must have made a huge impact on your lives, And looks like she's to be a very sweet lady,... And of course love your poems as always, rhyming, rythm.. and most of all the point and meaning, kinda imagining a mother sneaking out of the house to get the toys for you 2, yet having not much, and trying her hardest to make sure you 2 had a good christmas, despite everything else going on around, and the scene of running from the bed to the tree lol, and the not commenting on the toys, but instead smiling, thats Great!! Well, Hope you have a Good Christmas Enoq!
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Well analyzed
Most of your guesses are true. Thank you so much for reading and commenting on this piece.
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hi enoq
this is full of touching images that broke my heart and filled it back up again over and over. I'd be very proud of writing this poem and i agree......maybe you should show it to your mother or make her a copy...
Preggerslanguage: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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I think this is an amazing poem, when we're young we don't appreciate what our mother does for us and what they have to go through for us, I'm still young so I don't think I can fully understand that either because I am so busy being annoyed at her, but I think this poem is perfect for it, and I also like it because I like Christmas, I cant wait for it.
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Thank you
I wish I still looked at Christmas through those eyes.
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Thanks
I think your mother must be a saint! LOL Seriously, though, I think this is great. It's nice to know I did something right. Sometimes I feel like I never have.
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A lot
You did a lot of things right. From a kids perspective everything their parents do is wrong. When you factor that into reality you were probably right like... 20% of the time or something. =) I love you.
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okay
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?
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my parents got divorced when i was four. my father was a bit out of his mind and wrecked both my mother's and my life. i remember the the last time i ever had to see my father. it was christmas eve and i had to leave my mother alone to stay with him. i remember how she fell to pieces and i couldn't stand to see her so sad. i remember every christmas after that even when just the two of us were together i could tell she was hurting inside. she could never afford much but she always found a way and i took care of her the best i could. unfortunately she found a new husband who mistreats her and our relationship has fractured quite a bit in the passing years. it's nice to know that some sane families still exist and i'm glad you and your family can appreciate a simple tradition and your affections for one another
language: 4, rhythm: 4, subject: 4, tone: 4, form: 4.
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Hello
Nice to meet you. My story is not so different really. Parents divorced at 4. Dad is crazy but so is mom. Our family was far from normal but no matter how bad things got my mom did always make a great christmas for us. It was kind of you to comment and share your story. Thank you.
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I am an ardent admirer of rhythm..hence i like to say I loved your rhyming scheme..Also to mention, you got in great beats here..greater I would say if it were effortless beats..The last two stanzas were too good with its tempo and the message both touching and moving..
Hope you have an Ever Elating Christmas Enoq,this year and every year...
RhythmDivine
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I can tell that we have a lot in common. I like your writing style. Your mom is very lucky to have a son the understands and apprieceates her. Im sure through out the pain in it all Christmas was a warm time in your home. Thanks for the insight into your family and what a wonderful strong person your mother is.
language: 5, rhythm: 4, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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I agree
Poor, young, stupid, freezing, half starved and yet those were some of the best times of my life... Go fig.
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now reading your comments I think that you need to have two versions, one for your mom, and one for you as a writer, the writer sees so much more - you wrote a beautiful message to your mom - now write the other layers, the depth, your experience, it is waiting for you, and it will bring it to a higher level. all my comments are sent with love.
language: 1, rhythm: 5, subject: 2, tone: 1, form: 3.
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I appreciate that
I was not writing this one for anyone but my mother it was really just a quick piece I threw together when inspired by her memory one day. Thank you for taking an interest in this I will consider writing another draft thats a bit more lengthy and internalized as far as message.
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nice
why is the rhyme important? the sentiment is nice. it seems a bit sweet, is this poem for more than your mom? if so I think more of a surgeons knife and some distance is required. go deeper. there is always another side... can you hint at it? The truth of a relationship, especially a family relationship, is always complex and layered, and even contradictory, i would love to see more of this in this verse. all in all, I say good, go deeper.
language: 1, rhythm: 5, subject: 2, tone: 1, form: 3.
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Rhyme to me
I am a bit OCD about my writing. Most of the time I can force myself to not get as strict as actual letter count cemetery but for the most part I can not relax on the rhyming thing because it is not my form of expression. I know it sounds weird but that is alas me.
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