Forbid the young to read no farther.
This is a tale of someones father.
If the faint of heart should still be reading-
Please don't listen to my pleading.
A plant of rage I will be seeding.
This is a tale of someones son.
We offered him a chance at life.
Provided him with tons of strife.
We tested him and gave him a role.
We challenged him to pay the toll.
We trained him, changing his very soul,
Then staged a war, that couldn’t be won.
He stepped up straight and played his part.
Providing every ounce of his heart.
He survived the battle to its end.
He saw the death of many a friend.
He put his own wounds on the mend.
His memories now weighed a ton.
We shipped him home where things had changed.
The politics now seemed so strange.
No heroes welcome for this soldier.
The hippy kids had grown much older.
Their war hatred, was left to smolder.
We say he killed, while we had fun.
We Hypocrites that put him there.
Had since decided we don’t care.
His use to us, was now obsolete.
With tortured blisters on his feet,
His second war near its defeat.
Please the squeamish must now run.
After debt was paid to us.
We turned around and broke his trust.
We treated him like second class.
We turned the golden rule to brass.
We hurried him through life too fast.
We turned our welcome into shun.
So cold the commerce of ones health.
The treatment measured by the wealth.
Our priorities have lost their way.
When a veteran of war can say.
His doctor told him he should pray.
The doctors work was done.
So change we must at very core.
This should not happen anymore.
Every human deserves a chance.
Lets hear the cans and not the cants.
Lets end a few of these harsh rants.
And give good care to everyone.
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Author notes
This was written when I was inspired by the story of GingerHall1976's father's situation with the VA hospital.
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Of course, I'm crying. You already know this from the several times I told you, but you are Amazing. In the dictionary, under the word "brilliance," there should be your picture. Great job...
Lake. -
WOW OMG I'M GOBSMACKED
Enoq
this poem blew my mind to smithereens - for someone so young you have an 'old' soul and an ability to empathise beyond your own life experiences. The profound message projected by this poem is deepened by the use of simple, clear language and superb imagery which in turn lend emphasis to the seriousness of the message.
What I'm about to do now seems like sacrilege so I'd like to apologise in advance - a few points - the 5th line of the 6th stanza should read ...through life too fast.... - the 2nd line of the last stanza, if Fore represents 'before' then can't needs to change to can, if you want to retain can't then maybe change Fore to For - in the 4th line of the last stanza maybe cants should be can'ts - alternatively feel free to ignore what I've said as my English teacher made me anal about language lol - a final point, the background and colour of the words make reading this excellent poem difficult.
You should consider publishing this poem far and wide - this message is one we should all hear, understand and act on and the poem itself is a work of art
- I'm really looking forward to reading the rest of your work.
Monica
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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Changed
I made the changes you suggested and some that I noticed along the way. It is probably not perfect but a good poem never is. I look forward to any suggestions you may have in the future. -
I am again honored!
I wrote this poem in 10 minutes for a member here named GingerHall1976 I never did a second proofread. That is why it is a bit choppy. I want you to know something. I will never fault you or even be slightly upset about you taking your time to give me advice on my work. Every moment you take to consider something I have created is a privilege and a true honor. Thank you again for the great advice! -
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As close to perfect as we could ever hope for :)
You are very welcome Enoq - likewise I value your opinions and suggestions on my work - the honour is mine to read the beautiful poetry you have written - thank you.
Monica
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So true...a real shame the way we treat our vets. you father did more than a lot of us do and he should be cherished for his service. the way you wrote this is (as always) faultles
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so true
so true. This was not my father however but GingerHall1976's father. It was sort of an exercise in trying to write about something I have not personally experienced. Thank you again for your kind words.
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Same reaction different day
I, again, cried my way through this. We cannot express our gratitude enough, and I lack the words to do this poem justice. I think you know what this means to me, and I want you to know that you touched my father and my family as well. There are no words grand enough to express the feelings and the thankfulness this poem has given us. Enoq, sincerely, thank you from the bottom of our hearts!
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Very welcome
My account finally went gold again so I posted all the other poems I did not have up here. I am glad I got to post this one.
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