Let me hold you,
Let me touch you,
Let me want you for just one night.
I don’t want you,
And you don’t want me,
But were lonely and alone,
Wanting to be loved.
There is someone else,
You are pretending I am,
As you come closer.
I still see you clearly,
My eyes are open unlike yours,
I know who you are.
I know you are not the one I keep waiting to see
Who I’ve hoped would come for so long,
And now I don’t know if they will.
So, for tonight, you can have me,
We can pretend,
We can play the wishing game of life.
Tomorrow we’ll wake up,
Full of shame,
We’ll look down when we pass in the street,
Remembering the mornings mumbled goodbyes.
Tonight’s fever for love will be reduced,
Just slightly,
Enough for us to see what we think is reason.
We’ll regret this,
Later.
But later is not here and you are.
He is not here,
And you are,
So tonight I close my eyes,
And pretend.
Comments
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Yep
This is a good poem about lust, and accepting less than what you really want in order to satisfy a fleshy desire.
most of us have experienced this
Keep up the good work!
I second Brian's suggestion
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Lust For Tonight
I like the way you told this story. It's so easy to give in to lust when love doesn't come. It's not always easy to close your eyes and imagine the one you love while you're involved in an act of lust. I have a few suggestions. It's more of a personal preference but I'm not a fan of starting lines with And or But unless it's needed to connect it to the previous line or add a beat. I think these lines could stand on their own without the And:
And you don’t want me - And now I don’t know if they will. - And you are. I noticed you missed the apostrophe in we're on line six. Since joining sharepoetry I've been told by several poets that I respect that we should use less commas. They say that they clutter the poem and distract the reader from the message. You might consider removing the commas at the ends of the lines. Good job.
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Brian,
Thanks for the comments. It's funny; when I first came to sp I used NO punctiation and Lad told me to use a little more. Maybe I've gone overboard. Hmm.
Thanks Brian. Glad ya liked it.
-Colin
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Good job! I like the whole 'imiginaning its someone else' thing you were writing about, you expressed it really well. Good job!
-S
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