While you were kneeling in morning's Adhan
droning like a foghorn from the nearby mosque tower,
I was scanning last week's lecture notes,
bells quaking sunrise from the campus library,
right hand brushing breakfast-breath with Arm & Hammer.
While you were dressing Hajj-simple for judgment,
I was pulling into yesterday’s skinny-jeans and t-shirt.
While you were strapping on an explosive vest of glory,
I was cramming a bag full of yellow-tagged textbooks.
While you were climbing out a back window
toward a blast-red sunrise to town,
I was hop-scotching down a tricky staircase
and dashing out a back door to 7:30 class.
While you were jolting euphorically into the heart
of red-light-green-light-cell-phone-coffee-drone-taxi-cab,
I was zigging blurry pedestrian sidewalk traffic
and j-zagging cars of caffeinated road rage.
While you were gazing wide-eyed through city smog to heaven,
lungs contracting a final, feeble "Allahu Akbar,"
I was tumbling into a desk in the front row,
gasping and blinking hyped eyes to focus.
While your thumb fumbled a button and you went POP!
in a burst of concrete and muted faces,
like black confetti or a flock of freaked pigeons,
I was pumping the eraser of a mechanical pencil,
Quiz 8 projected and glowing white on the overhead.
Reviews
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The contrast of two lives is portrayed really well in this poem. It always has troubled me how a person's life in one country is so contrasting to that of another in a far away country. Its not just mere culture, its how the political and social backgrounds changes everything. Had we look into other people's world and see how someone your age is about to offer his life to a principle, all we are doing is complaining to our professors about the hard test s/he gave. As much as knowing these differences makes us feel fortunate, it also creates such a big distortion on our reality. It makes me ask why? Why must one person be greater than the next? Why must one be more fortunate than the other?
This poem in its topic and its form is an a+. I think i've said this before,you poetry has evolved and this new form is good. See you around pap.
-iphios -
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Iphios,
i'm glad i hit upon a subject in which you seem interested and have an opinion. we are all born into different cultures and societies and therefore have different beliefs, hardships, politics, etc. but i believe we all posses the ability to understand one another and live peacefully, rather than frowning on our differences and caring for only our individual selves' and peoples' success. we are all citizens of this one world.
i've tweaked the poem a little bit since you left your comment, and hopefully i strengthened most of the weak points. the hardest part in a poem like this is giving justice to the other person whom you are not. I am an American, and there is an overwhelming dissent toward Muslims and Arabs in my country due to 911 and the subsequent wars in the Middle East. this is very unfortunate and i tried to avoid that bias.
always,
Pap
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This subject matter has been very close to me. I think its because the idea of races fighting against each other has always been difficult for me. I cannot fully comprehend it and i don't think i'll ever will. Coming from a different background from yours, i know how it feels to be on the other side of the fence and its hard, so i cannot but empathize and understand how contrasting worlds are and how narrow our minds can be sometimes.
I can see the tightness of this poem. The lines a little shorter i think than the original. I can't pinpoint the exact areas of change, but its is a tighter poem.
-iphios
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Wow. Just wow. You phrased this so beautifully, which in result, made it such a powerful poem. I love your format, switching back and forth from two completely contrasting lives. The poem was extremely effective that way. Great job
Lake. -
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refelctions
Lake,
thanx for the read and glad you enjoyed it.
i guess i was just thinking about a suicide bomber and this is what came out. pretty random, but i stuck with it. perhaps it reflects the impact the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq have had on my life, even being so far detached from their physical locations.
always,
Pap
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hey pap
this was well worth the read, just laid out the differences matter of factly and objectively without judgement, all poetry is a comparison. the repetition drives this home.
dave -
Wow
This is a poignant piece, wow... whoa
I love the synchronicity between your life and the suicide bomber's life (or last few minutes thereof)
...somehow as normal as this morning is for you, it seems equally as expected for the bomber.
Well done indeed.
Favorite Lines:
"While your thumb fumbled a button and you went POP!
in a burst of concrete and muted faces,
like black confetti or a flock of freaked pigeons,
I was pumping the eraser of a mechanical pencil, "
iphios
October 25, 2008