I have a need to waltz your way
To feel your love by end of day
To dip ourselves in heart’s true tide
Holding hands as side by side
Our dreams entwine for evermore
And souls share scenes of days of yore
Where lovers chanced upon their hearts
That cupid joined with playful dart
Our tender souls reach out with hope
As lips recite ardent quotes
With one who knows and understands
That lovers’ dance ignites and fans
Much more than body’s naked need
And has no step for taker’s greed
As pleasures rise to seek salvation
In raw unbridled needful passion
Essences fuse and feel the chimes
Of rhythm’s rock as old as time
Plunging depths of wish’s well
Soaring heights of utopia’s realm
Jointly basking in the know
Our lover’s eyes did raptly show
Of love enhanced because it’s shared
By mind and heart and soul laid bare
Cocooned within the afterglow
As lovers entwined from face to toe
We lay upon our feathery nest
Our minds and hearts and souls at rest
Comments
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Very Beautiful
This poem gives an insighful description of a beautiful union. Showing that there is more to the experience than the physical connection which is made. Both can bring unequealed pleasure, though the spirtual connection can bring a much more lasting fullfillment. I found this poem to be a very refreshing read. It is done in my natural style. The rhymes are wonderful. I loved the way you rhymed salvation with passion. It is so subtle that most people would not realize it is not a true rhyme. The rhythm is also wonderful. This poem flowed very well from beginning to end. I only see one spot where it doesn't seem perfect. Line two of the second stanza could use one more beat. Would this change your meaning to much: As lips recite their ardent qoutes -? Other than that I definitely wouldn't change a thing. I'm glad I waited until I was fully awake to read it.
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Amazing insight
Brian your insight is amazing
- you describe exactly what this poem represents for me - the spiritual union of two entities that far surpasses the physical alone - the ultimate pleasure. I actually struggled for quite a while with the rhyme for salvation - the poem was complete except for this line - I had actually started writing another poem when it struck me that passion 'fitted' what I wanted to say and was subtle enough to 'flow' with the rhyme. You are also right about 'As lips recite their ardent quotes' - I tried out a few alternatives but they didn't 'feel' right so I went with what had come naturally as it tumbled onto the page. Thank you for your compliments and your appreciation
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I love it a lot.
You really have a way with words.
I cannot make a poem have rhythm and rhyme and still sound natural and have a good meaning.
This is really good.
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Thank you
Cee I really appreciate your comments - I only joined the site tonight and was a little nervous sharing my poems with fellow poets for the first time. Thank you
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