A beautiful day dawns bright and clear
This wonderful miracle we should hold dear
Our hearts embrace this glorious sight
When our world is bathed in dazzling light
Creation stirs from its gentle sleep
As the sun begins its leisurely creep
The flowers raise their heads with pride
And trees sway softly from side to side
The world awakes to greet this day
Then promptly go their separate ways
No time to spare for enjoying the view
There’s a lot to think and say and do
We take for granted the sights and sounds
That for most of us are all around
But stop and think, take a moment or two
To inhale the flowers and absorb the view
Comments
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Lovely
"Stop and smell the roses" done in a fresh way. This is a beautiful reminder we would all be served to take to heart. I love the rhythm & imagery
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Thank you Carly for the compliment - it means so much to me when fellow poets positively appreciate what I write
Monica
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Very nice! This is absolutely my kind of a poem. Simple, To the point, and great rhymes and rhythm. I enjoyed this very much! And the theme is right out of the old school of poetry and has a lot of charm.
Only point that I would like to share is that in the 10th line, you could keep it "ways". Even with the poetic license, a misplaced word does stand out awkwardly. And the rhyme won't get affected that much. Or alternatively... you can reword the 9th line as "The world awakes to greet such days"
Just a minor point.
Cheers
HM -
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HM
thank you for your time and appreciation - at your suggestion I have revised line 10 - rather than line 9 because the poem is about a specific 'moment in time'. I look forward to reading your poems
Monica
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Nice
You have some fun alliterations here and a nice rhythm throughout. I like the message of course. There are some reiterations but overall I think its a well done piece. A good read for sure.
language: 4, rhythm: 4, subject: 5, tone: 4, form: 3.
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Thank you :)
Enoq
I appreciate you taking the time to read this poem and for the compliment - thank you.
Monica -
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Very much my pleasure
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