Share Poetry Critiques Poetry       Forums       Freewrite       Store      

The Power of Love

When life is shrouded in an aqua veil
And you feel overwhelmed by hurts and ails
Look up and permit 'the powers that be’
To save your soul from this perilous sea

Reach out for and grasp a hand to hold
Take the warmth this gives, to dispel the cold
Snuggle deep in the love of a special friend
Make use of the ear that they openly lend

Then soon you will see the sorrow recede
In the face of their wisdom and kindly deeds
The rain will depart from your heart and soul
As the sun’s rays break through and joy takes hold

    : Comment:

Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Lake Absence
    November 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Natureangel...

    As always, you've blown me away. Not only is it a great poem with fabulous wording, but you rhymed fantastically. That's always a plus in my book because I have the rhyming skills of a second grader. =] Keep writing, or I shall be distraught,

    Lake.


  • Enoq
    October 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Bravo!

    I thought it was a fantastic revision! Great job with the rhyme scheme and you wrapped it up very well.

    Fav Line:

    Look up and permit the 'powers that be' to save your soul from this perilous sea.

    Great stuff

    language: 4, rhythm: 4, subject: 5, tone: 4, form: 5.


  • Enoq
    October 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Good Stuff

    Seems like your writing about your best friend. Every good relationship is between best friends so this works to your advantage. Those truly in love will understand this right away, and those who are not in love long for it so much that this will touch them too. It think some of the syllable counts on some stanzas could be altered to flow a bit better and sometimes you need to finish a sentence or omit a word to make it more smooth. That however is just my tendency to put everything into my box which does not necessarily apply to poetry. Thank you for posting this.

    language: 3, rhythm: 4, subject: 5, tone: 3, form: 4.


    • natureangel
      October 28, 2008

      Edit | Reply

      Thank you :)

      Enoq

      thank you for your understanding of and appreciate of 'The Power of Love'. I will revise it soon with your suggestions in mind. I'm also looking forward to taking a peek in 'your box' when I have more time to appreciate your gift

      Monica

      • Enoq
        October 28, 2008
        Edit | Reply

        Very welcome

        Ditto


        • natureangel
          October 30, 2008
          Edit | Reply
          Enoq

          I have revised The Power of Love while keeping in mind your advice - I'd value your opinion on the revised poem and any further suggestions you may have.

          Monica

1 - 6 of 6