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Unfinished Business ( Adult prose)

"She isn't here but come in anyway"

I'd been 'with' my sister's new flatmate many years before. At least I'd groped her on my bed before my sister came in and rescued her from me. We were both very drunk having been last out of the disco. She was staying in our house that night.

I suppose I'd been doing a very bad job of not letting her catch me staring at her breasts. They were her strongest feature. Her fringe drooped over one eye and she brushed it away a lot. It gave her an excuse to toss her head back which made her cleavage even more alluring. She liked the attention.

I can't remember exactly how she ended up in my room instead of my sister's but since she was there I figured maybe I should kiss her. I wouldn't usually have been the most daring. I suppose the drink helped and her breasts fascinated me. I'd wanted to get my hands on them all night. She knew it and she was standing there, waiting. I suppose I kinda jumped her.

I don't think either of us could quite believe that after only five minutes semi-alone together I had my face buried in her cleavage. Her attempts to resist my forwardness were less than half-hearted and if my sister hadn't barged in and removed her (she was playful but firm on the subject) there's no way we weren't going all the way. The experience got filed away under 'Unfinished Business'. We never mentioned it again though we'd met on a good few (non-private) occasions.

Now we were alone together for the first time in maybe five years. She fixed me a drink and we sat in the big lounge chairs with no armrests they had in the flat. They made you slouch. I leaned back, looking a lot more relaxed than I felt. She kind of curled up, tucking one knee under an elbow, stretching her jeans tight across her rump and hiding those tits of hers. Her body language said she was keeping herself to herself - but come looking if you dare.

We made small talk. It was easy enough. But her answers got shorter and shorter until I was doing all the talking and she was just nodding or throwing me the odd 'hmm, yeah'. Her eyes moved away 
from me less and less. She was peeking out from below that fringe of hers. 
I became uncomfortable with the slouch I was in and I rolled 
forward to the edge of the seat, putting my elbows 
on my knees, holding my gin and tonic in front 
of me with both hands.Her eyes met my 
gaze defiantly and she 
brushed her hair ,
 tossing her 
head as 
she did 
so
....



THE END.

Author notes

Thanks to Rhetorica for stepping out of line with some interesting and original work and inspiring this

    : Comment:

Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • redfingernails
    October 31, 2008

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    thanks

    Overall: good, clear, puts me in the moment with you. I like the way you use natural language. Nice work. Good solid, real writing. --suggestion: this sentence doesn't fit, maybe you could re-work it make it more fluid, like the rest of the piece: "I'd usually have been much more retiscent about such things but she seemed to make it so easy and my curiosity about whether what was busting out of her blouse would match what was in my overworked imagination had reached critical level." It seems less direct and more analytical than the other parts. I felt removed in that moment from the place you had put me in, with you, with her - "more reticent usually, her ease..." something like that. anyway, just an idea. nice slice of real life though. Hope this helps.

    language: 5, rhythm: 4, subject: 4, tone: 4, form: 4.


    • Windhover gold member
      November 3, 2008
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      Respect

      Hey Red. Thanks for reading and commenting so thoughtfully here. As a mark of respect (and because I reckon I agree with you - the 'writing' should NEVER get in the way) I've edited that piece. Thanks for an uncommonly considered and gratifying review. >W<

  • dave ochs gold member
    October 30, 2008
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    hey john

    i think writing is writing and you demonstrate a good poet can be good at prose. Had a good Mickey Spillance type of feel, i'd change the word, rump, which belongs in the ka-ka, pee-pee catagory, to ass. also this was a bit of a tease, i didn't even get to whack off.
    dave


    • Windhover gold member
      October 31, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Just for you

      Okay Professor, what I 'saw' was a rump because it was just one side and one side doesn't make an ass but I changed it anyway. Also relented on the 'tease' factor and posted a sequel (just for you) Glad you liked it (you did, didn't you?) >W<


  • rhetorica gold member
    October 30, 2008
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    Golden Age Of Hollywoodish

    Presentation is superb,like the lingerie ending,total titilation,would definitely read the sequel,or prequel for that matter,liked your use of "semi-alone",i know what i was thinking.
    I`m not envious of your work,but sometimes i lie.
    Always a humbling experience to see how it should be done.
    R.








    • Windhover gold member
      October 31, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Conspirators in Prose

      Hey R. Thanks for putting me up to this. I've had links to some of my prose at 'Storywrite' for years and never heard a word or even had it looked at as far as I know. I like writing erotica so I'm glad you enjoyed reading it. I intended it to be crystal clear how this ACTUALLY ended. Apparently it wasn't. So I posted a sequel. Hope you like it. >W<


    • Windhover gold member
      October 31, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Conspirators in Prose

      Hey R. Thanks for putting me up to this. I've had links to some of my prose at 'Storywrite' for years and never heard a word or even had it looked at as far as I know. I like writing erotica so I'm glad you enjoyed reading it. I intended it to be crystal clear how this ACTUALLY ended. Apparently it wasn't. So I posted a sequel. Hope you like it. >W<

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