I am an actress.
I can hide my feelings
My thoughts,
My emotions.
I can paste a fake smile
On my face.
I can act happy
And carefree
I can do all those things
Perfectly
But once I’m alone,
I frown
I cry till my eyes
Close.
I think all these
Toxic thoughts
That poison my mind,
My soul,
My heart.
Author notes
Some things need editing, so if you have any suggestions, than please feel free to tell me!
Thanks to some editing from rhetorica
Thanks,
Hope.
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Very good.
It's what every actress feels...
Including some people [like me]
Very good. I love it :]
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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Thank you Smilie.. yeah it's based on my life... so yeah.. Thanks for all your wonderful comments!
Hope
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interesting
this was a good poem i like the whole concept of the poem
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this is really good but i would consider removing the last stanza,its unnecessary as it gives too much away,let the reader think a little,i can understand exactly what this is about without reading the last verse,its just my opinion of course
very mature writing,i really liked it
well done
bye
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This is so sad.
You always seem to tug on my heart strings with your poetry. I know what you're talking about. I was that way for awhile. I don't think it's healthy. I wish you didn't feel the need to hide your emotions. There isn't too much I'd suggest changing. I might change this:
I can act happy
And carefree to this:
I can act...
happy; carefree
and possibly this:
But once I’m alone,
I frown
to this:
However
once I’m alone,
I frown
The last thing you have is Too... but that actually says that you want them to be happy also. Since you're saying you're not happy it doesn't fit. I think you could just remove it and end it on the previous line. Great little poem.
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This seems a lot like my poem, Sitcom. Ha ha. =] Great minds think alike, or at least that's what they say. This is a great poem, and I think a lot of people can relate to it...at least people our age. Well, actually, no. I'm thinking of the people at my school, and my old school, and it doesn't seem that a lot of them would get it. But that's the point of the poem, isn't it? How we all put on a charade for everyone around us. Like me, I can tell no one suspects a thing of how I get depressed. And if we all acted the way we truly felt, then I think that the way we truly felt would actually be happy, because we wouldn't have to pretend, and so then we won't get sad about having to put up a pretense, and so we'll be happy, but for real. You get me? Probably not.
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SO NOT TRUE!!!
Well, ya. When you're an actress, you do hide some of your feelings. But ya, you do make people happy. But not ALL people. So add it in you're poem that some people know you when you're faking, someone who cares for you. There's no person living on earth without a friend. That's just NOT true at all. So add a little happy on your poem, cuz i think it'll look great.
And the " I fake everything," I think you might want to change the word "fake" and use a different word that's related to the word "fake" or use another word that has the same meaning of fake.
You can't just say all fake, use different words. And describe more of your feelings.
You're poem is good, needs some adding and editing. But it's good. I thing it'll be AWESOME if you edit and add some words. I'll look forward of your poem after you add and edit it.
Overall, GOOD JOB!!!language: 5, rhythm: 2, subject: 2, tone: 1, form: 2.
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