She was on the cusp of sixteen,
when her parents called it quits.
The title of the argument
had her name included in it.
She didn't cry, that was preserved,
instead she stood agape.
Then an unwanted determination
was placed at her feet-
Stay with the paternal,
who had been bone hard,
and irate the duration.
Or flee with the maternal,
who was meek, and after all
her best friend.
The determination concluded;
the choice, obvious and safe,
so they left,a new life they
would together create.
Soon reality, and tidal waves
from decisions she made in haste,
Would start to haunt her while she slept,
and while she was awake.
Her education ripped away, for monetary gain.
"Its 2:00am get up, time to go to work"
They beat a path there every, but the seventh day.
Then her world crashed at her feet,
much as the determination had been placed.
But this time was different it seemed,
this time she had no choice,
and the news was carried
by the sweet sound of her best friend’s voice.
"you know that I love you,
but it's time for me leave,
you can take care of yourself now,
you don't need me ".
She stood with phone in hand,
once more no tears, agape.
she said, "Ok Mom, I love you too,
I guess I’ll talk to you later."
not much time had passed before
these events, began to take their toll.
She beat that path on foot alone,
through the darkness of the morn,
Now bearing the weight of a household,
and the loss of her best friend.
It was not long before her mind
bent into a different direction.
She came home alone every night,
and alone there she would linger.
Eventually, she'd fill her time
with adults, and alcohol.
Sleep seemed no longer needed,
this landed her in the hospital
Two weeks no work, the doctor sentenced
her to stay home and rest.
With this, it seemed that all she did
was sit at home and reflect.
Thoughts of the choices she had made,
that led her to this place,
now warped her mind irreversibly
to the point of being weakened.
No longer awestruck with her life
the tears began to fall,
as if a cumulative waterfall, freed
from a thousand rivers dammed.
So strong at times, it felt as if
hurricanes winds had forced them.
With every beat of her aching heart
the pain grew that much stronger,
until she felt it shatter…
and that was the death of her-
another mind would drive her now,
one that had reached its threshold.
she gazed up and said,
“please lord forgive me
for what I am about to do”
she lifted her hand to her mouth-
she hoped she wouldn’t go to hell-
she dropped twenty pills into her gut,
and waited for the kill.
Woke up in the hospital
it seems it wasn’t her time,
her friend she hadn’t seen since school
had decided to drop by.
She spent two days in “intensive care”
the doctor, a pediatrician.
He was more interested in birth control
than in her psychiatric condition.
Her mom picked her up from the hospital
with specific care instructions,
“This child is not to be left alone”,
so she was dropped at her boyfriend’s house,
and the girl later walked home,
Alone.
She knows now why the pills she took-
did not claim her,
she was supposed to stay-
to have kids of her own,
so she could show them
how it’s Supposed to be done.
To teach them that family is paramount.
That the love of a mother-
should Never be allowed,
to be skewed by another.
Author notes
I would love to tell you that this is not a true story, however it is. This poem was written after looking at old medical records from 16 years ago, and realizing that, as indicated in the title, it was my first (bipolar) episode, induced by the obvious. Reliving the past is hard, but not learning from it takes a much harder toll on your life than facing it ever will. I am thankful to have been through this so i could learn from it, what to do, and not to do in my life, with my children. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
This is a work in progress, suggestions welcome but the story cannot be altered...thank you for taking the time to read.
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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The story will always remain the same
Its our perception that I think changes. Our realities as children where very much the same. Filled with hurt, sorrow, pain. It wasn't your fault. We where the victim of our parents lack of understanding. Its passed down generation after generation. They did the best they could. I know that sounds like an excuse. But we are the torch bearers now. Pioneers of a new and different way. The way of nurturing through caring, love, faith. The shackles of tradition must change. For not only for your children but for the your children's children. And your right when you say this is a work in progress. It is a work in progress for each individual. Have a very nice day.
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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Noble
Thank you so much for your comment, you are right. I appreciate the fact that you took the time to read this long poem and for leaving a very heartfelt comment!
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"suggestions welcome but the story cannot be altered"? Why are suggestions welcome, then? It seems a tad contradictory to ask for how to alter something if it's not to be altered.
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Nocturne
I rarely reply to comments negatively but i sincerely hope you didn't get any points for this non comment. The story could not be altered not the poem, there is a story being told here, and that is what must remain in tact basically because it is true and personal and it wouldn't make sense to let others make it into a story that wasn't true, or personal, there are other ways of suggesting things without altering the storyline and that is rearranging words, and using other adjectives and so on to describe. I notice that you didn't take the time to mention one thing about the poem you basically commented on the authors comment, and although that is a good way to get points for nothing, it is not a good way to make a good name for yourself on this site.
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I can really relate to this a lot. I love the way you tell it.. much appreciated. Thankyou for sharing. You'll have to excuse the fact that I write a horrible critique. But I definately appreciate it.
eaglepig
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Kittyeaglepig
Hey there, thank you so much for your comment! I think that any comment is a great one and I appreciate you taking the time to read. Thank you for your kindness and hope to read you soon as well!
Ginger
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hey der ma lady
Nicely done. I'm glad to see that you're using writing as a way to get your problems out there. It's kind of like a poor man's psychiatrist, writing a poem about yourself and sharing it with a bunch of strangers on the internet. LoL at least that's the way I see it, If there's something that I need talking about and I don't wanna share any of that with anybody immediately attached to me personally and physically. I am sorry to hear about this, I'm one of the more lucky children who's parents divorced when I was only 5, so my memories from this painful experience aren't really as lucid as yours. I have bits and pieces that I remember and can put together, but I never had to make a choice like you have, and since I haven't had a father since I've been 9-10 years old I've always had my mother there for me, may all the Gods Bless her soul. I think this is a good poem. I agree when I first saw the length I was taken aback to reading it another time, but decided to give it a run through of the first couple lines, and the author notes, after reading those I couldn't turn away. It's hard to say where I would change things in this poem b/c of the story content that needs to be preserved. I would just leave it as is and not worry about it anymore. You've expressed yourself well here. Thanks for sharing. And I'm glad to hear that you've learned from your pain, which is the ultimate goal in life. Pursuing happiness.
TTYSoonerThanLaterAlligator
MM
language: 4, rhythm: 4, subject: 4, tone: 4, form: 4.
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Marcus
I agree completely...this is such a great way to get out your inner turmoil, and turn it into something positive that will work for you instead of against you. Thank you so much for stopping by, I agree it is a long one, because of that it almost didn't get posted...I was afraid that it was too long for this site and that it might get mauled in here...lol...I was pleasantly surprised at the overwhelming heartfelt response that it was given...I am truly thankful!
Thank you so much Marcus for your compassion, and your wonderful comment!
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Wow, this is an amazing piece. Very touching, the emotion is great too. You see to be a very strong person. This is just fantastic. I don't know what else to say, but I really liked this piece
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Lisa
Thank you for the comment, it is much appreciated! As for being strong, thats a hard one, I think I am sometimes. I think it was best put in my other poem
"My Personal Prison"
"what makes you stronger doesn't kill you
what if, what is killing you made you strong"
If I am strong, and I am still unsure of that, it is the events of my life, having to live through this disease, and the birth of my children that has made me that way.
Thank you so much for your comment.
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When I initially saw the long scroll bar on my right of the screen, I was wondering whether or not I should continue reading...but I'm glad I did. Your poem is touching to say the least. At the end you end it with one of the best lines a poem could hope for. Your destiny was to have children of your own so that you may teach them what is right. Thank you for mustering the courage to reveal the intimate details of your life to us. I enjoyed reading it and you helped me realize that no matter how dark our lives currently are, there will be a hopeful future. You also helped me realize how valuable poetry can be for expressing our feelings. Thanks again for a heartfelt poem, Ginger.
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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Fastlane2121
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this, I am so happy that it touched you. I cannot express how happy it makes me to hear the things you have said here, so thank you for that! I use poetry as an outlet i guess, I cant write unless i am feeling deeply about something, and then it just pours out of me, and I have to tell you this is probably the best support I have gotten in quite sometime, this site had been awesome for me; in allowing me to express what and how I feel. Thank you again for everything you took the time to say, and for saying it in such a wonderful way.
Ginger
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Bravo!
Gingerhall
a painful, touching, honest, brave poem and poet - I sit with mouth agape at your truth so sensitively and openly spoken. You no longer beat that path on foot alone because your children now walk that path with you every step of the way - your children are blessed with a wonderful mum and we are blessed with a wonderful poet.
Thank you for showing such courage in sharing this with us.
Monica
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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I can't tell you how much...
I appreciate your comment. I have cried more at the comments, that I have been gifted with, on this poem, than I did when I was writing it. I am so thankful to you, and everyone else, for your beautiful and embracing words! I feel I am the blessed one. Thank you again for your comment, you have touched my heart.
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Your truthfulness of first episode got me crying..I appreciate your boldness and the deep sensitive heart and mind that brought out the significance of motherhood, that has touched most of our lives enormously..You gave me the feel of reading an intensive storylined novel..This one to me absolutely needs no alteration..Its perfect by itself for its honesty...Thanks for sharing and keep writing
RhythmDivine
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Thank you so much!
your comment was beautiful, and I have to admit, made me cry too. Thank you so much for commenting, this poem almost didn't make it out of the draft list, I was afraid it was too long and story like(then a couple of good friends here, gave me some needed courage), your comment made me feel so much better about that. Thank you for taking the time to read it, and to leave such a wonderful comment, it truly is appreciated!
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Even though I'd already read this...
it still made me cry this time too. I think this is so very strong. It speaks of struggles that many will relate to. I'm so glad you are still here for your childrens' sakes. I know that you are a wonderful caring mother. So many children out there would be lucky to have you for a mother. The only thing that jumped out at me this time was the line {and also while she wake.} Although I see what you were probably going for I think maybe {and also while she was awake.} might sound a little better.
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I should have known that you were still reading...
Thank you so much Brian for commenting,and thank you so much for the beautiful compliments! the revisions were not major, but to the structure...well you know that anyway
yeah that line kind of gives me a headache, it has been irking me for a while now but I was afraid that if I put while she was awake it would be too wordy and sound less like a poem, what do you think about
"and while she was awake"
instead of
"and also while she was awake"?
let me know what you think I value your opinion greatly, and am curious if that sounds any better, its hard for me to judge because I have looked at it so many times that I cant tell anymore...lol. Thanks again for your help in giving me the courage to post this.
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just awesome
That really is great, It flows so well, as has such a poignent (gah spelling) story behind it, so well written. Truely absolutly brilliant stuff. You really are talented.
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Kep
Wow, thank you so much for your wonderful comment, you are too kind. It is greatly appreciated! I am glad that you liked it.
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YAY
I am so glad you posted this piece. You already know how I feel about it so I will just say. HAHA I got to be the first commentator on this piece!!!! I love it for anyone reading who wants to know what I think!
language: 4, rhythm: 3, subject: 5, tone: 2, form: 3.
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No Fair!
I wasn't here when she posted this. Fine you win this one. -
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silly boys...
If it weren't for the two of you i would have never posted this. you guys are great...and Brian... whats with not commenting on the revisions...hmmmmmm...lol just kidding, but it has been moved around a bit in form since you read it last...let me know what you think when you get a chance. -
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I was still reading...
drying my eyes, reading some more...stopping to breath, and then reading some more. I like the way you moved things around. I couldn't put my finger on exactly what you had changed. I think it was just hitting me too hard. Great job.
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Enoq
LOL...thank you so much for the comment, and courage. Man, your fast...lol
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