I would hold you as long as you needed
I would kiss you as often as you liked
I would hold your hand as tightly as you held mine
I would let you soak me with your tears
I would listen intently while you talked
I would scream with you if you wanted me to
I would go with you if I could
I would never leave you alone if I could help it
I would do my best to catch you if you fell
However I am old and therefore...
I could only hold you long enough to ease your heartache
I could only kiss you on the cheek
I could still hold your hand as tightly as you held mine
I could still let you soak me with your tears
I could still listen intently while you talked
I could still scream with you if you wanted me to
I could only wish you well if you needed to leave
I could only keep you from being alone as a friend
I could only offer support and advice if you were falling
Author notes
This poem was inspired by the poem: If I - by LisaSchumacher. Here is a link to her poem: http://sharepoetry.com/archive/show/29644
I would love for you to view my inspiration.
Comments
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NICE
I LIKE THIS. I REALLY LIKE THE STYLE OF THE POEM. MY FAVORITE PART IS " I WOULD NEVER LEAVE YOU ALONE IF I COULD HELP IT" I THINK THAT LINE IS VERY SWEET ITS LIKE Y0U WOULD DO EVERYTHING IN YOUR POWER TO MAKE THIS PERSON HAPPY AND NOT ALONE. GREAT POEM.=]
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Great write! My favorite line being "I would scream with you if you wanted me to." It shows the spirit of a young adult and the problems we face everyday. It's satisfying in showing their is support and understanding through all ages of men (and women). It's a great stand alone in the spotlight...but it's even better when compared to it's counterpart. Afterall, Romeo was nothing if it wasn't for Juliet.
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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The emotion this poem brings is really strong, and you have very good insight onto this situation. Great work!
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Thank you,
for taking moment to let me know you liked it. Lisa's poem really spoke to me. It filled me with emotion since I could relate to what she was saying. I just responded to that so I owe this poem to her. Thanks again.
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I would go for anyone that promised those things with a good heart. Great stuff.
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Thank you,
for taking the time to leave me a comment. I appreciate that. This all came from the heart as I read Lisa's poem. I'm glad you liked it. Thanks again.
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This stands on its own
However, I was pleasantly surprised when I read the link you provided. I realized the way your poem echoed its inspiration. Maybe the two poems should be presented together as a poetic dialog. It was interesting to me that I recognized your poem as a list without first reading "If I." Afterwards I understood why you seemed to list these things.
language: 2, rhythm: 3, subject: 2, tone: 3, form: 3.
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Thank you
for not only taking the time to read my work but for also taking the time to leave a comment letting me know what you thought. I'm glad to hear you felt this could stand alone. I'm pleased to here that you used the link to view my inspiration. Thanks again.
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Wow
I must say this poem is brilliant. The fact that the one line that doesn't start with an I shows the transience of age and draws my attention to the main theme of the poem. The title also drew my attention and definatly suits the poem.
Great poem
language: 4, rhythm: 3, subject: 5, tone: 4, form: 5.
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Thank you,
for not only reading my poetry but also for taking the time to leave me a comment. I'm glad you liked this so much. That is quite a compliment. I had to read your comment a few times to catch your meaning becaue I was reading it wrong. I'm glad you found that to be a key point of the poem. Thanks again. -
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No problem... I haven't been on here for a while so I just read your reply lol
Keep writing though. I would like to read more of your poetry
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This poem flowed beautifully and I loved the duality of it. The heartfelt feelings really come through. I enjoyed it a lot. I look foward to reading more of your work.
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Thank you,
for taking a moment to let me know what you thought. I'm glad you liked the duality of it. I'm also glad you were able to see that it was indeed heartfelt and not just a poetic arrangement of words. Thanks again.
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Beautifully written. I love the contrast between the two parts. It's sad in a melancholy(?) way and I really like the second part. Really nice.
xx
Himmel -
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Thank you
for not only reading my work but also for taking a moment to let me know what you thought of it. I truthfully hadn't considered the aspect of it being sad. I guess it could be veiwed as such. Thanks again.
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Nice take on Lisa's poem... I loved both the poems... 'If I were'...I use this sentence always in my life...within myself though... Whenever i find someone standing helpless and doing non-sense, I would ask myself, if I were to be he/she, what would be my next step... This poem brings in mind several old memories...
Thanks for sharing
Love
Kiddy
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Thank you
I'm glad that you liked both poems. I felt her poem was very touching. This poem was simple for me to write since all I had to do was write how I felt in response to her poem. Sometimes it is good to wonder how we would act in another's situation. I hope the memories that it reminded you of were good ones. Thanks again.
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I love it
Very lovely
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Thank you very much.
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its butiful brian i love you are a goog poet sighs
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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Thank you
That is very kind of you to say.
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maybe you can drink a potion that goes back in time for you! lol. *sigh* oh well....you're such a sweet talker brian!
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Thank you very much.
Where's that fountain of youth? Darn. I'd guzzle it, you can believe that!
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Aw, Brian. I really liked it. It was beautuful. I don't know what to say. It's very good though!!
Hope.
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Thank you.
You said plenty. That is a wonderful compliment.
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Happy you were inspired..
I am very happy that my poem inspired you to write this. I love how you put this piece together, and I don't think you are a silly old man. I wish somebody would actually say something as nice as you put it in this piece. Thank you for being so inspired by my poem, in making you want to write something so beautiful as you did -
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Wish granted...
I did say it. It's not just a poem. It was a sincere response to your poem. That's how I feel. You seem like a sweet girl and you be surprised how soft hearted I am. If I were your age you could steel my heart in the blink of an eye. As it is you could steel a place in my heart regardless. I am the one who owes you for inspiring me. Without your wonderful poem this poem never would have exsisted. Thank you for this poem and your wonderful compliment. -
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Your Welcome.
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Wow .........
..... am I glad you're my age
and less of the 'old' lol!
Aww Brian this poem hits me right where it matters most - in my heart and soul. Lines 1-9 promise the love that every woman dreams of - a soulmate to love them beyond reason. Lines 10-19 still breathe beauty and love even though the message is 'I can only love you as a friend because you are so much younger than I am'.
Typo L3 ... tightly as you held mine - apart from that I wouldn't change a single word .
When you write from your heart and soul you bowl me over with your literary gift.
Wow!
Monica
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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Thank you
That is such a wonderful compliment. What you have to keep in mind is that you are a young woman and I am an old man. I keep telling you that. I truly owe her for the poem though because all I did was write what my inner poet had to say in response to hers. Thanks for pointing out the typo. Thank you again.
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