It had been a day like yesterday
and maybe tomorrow,
nearing the end of it
i found myself
sitting on the floor(i like sitting on the floor)
of my apartment,
a real shitdump of a place,
hungry woodlice and freezing spiders
were the only other life
i had seen in it for months,
the type of place that didn`t sleep much.
I had a strong one and a lit one
serving their purpose for me,
i also had several purple pills at hand,
some sort of tranquilizers.
I sat as one can sit,
swallowing and puffing
when i reached for a few purples
and swallowed them too.
I just sat there not giving a shit,
not even caring about not giving a shit
and i waited,
swallowing and puffing.
I sat there waiting,
then i passed out,
but i obviously woke up again.
Nothing ever happens,
even when you wait to die.
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Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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"Nothing ever happens,
even when you want to die"-is an wonderful line.Your poem reminds me of a friend of mine.The way you've described the place where you live with the freezing spiders,dark and empty reminds me of Metamorphosis of Franz Kafka and the way you describe the moment when you're waiting for death to come reminds me of Camus.This poem doesn't make me sad.Gives me a perfect picture and I like it.
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Hey Alba, great comment, thanks.
i`m happy it was able to paint a picture in your head
see you later
rhet
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Bukesque
The last line is a bit OTT imho. If you left it at 'Nothing ever happens in this dump' I think the reader would fill in the blanks and enjoy it more. But a nice conceit and I like the 'Bukesque' feel of it. >W< -
The first 4 lines made me reminiscent of my past, of when I thought I found myself. Strangely enough, your piece made me see myself doing the things you've portrayed (couldn't really imagine myself doing it before). Nicely written!
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i know how you feel. i know how cliche that sounds and how much i hate it when people try to comfort me when i'm so convinced they have no idea what i'm feeling, thinking, seeing. my whole life has been hell for me. people say things like "others have it worse" or "it can't be that bad" the truth is we're all individuals and what one person can handle another may not be able to. i've become so accustomed to people leaving me that i starting ruining everything from myself or running away before they could leave me. it's gotten to the point where i couldn't care less about anything. i've lost almost all passion i once had for anything, even the music and art i once believed was keeping me alive. i'm not afraid of anything especially not dying, when if anying life is the living hell. if anything it's terrifying to believe that i couldn't care less about my own life or anyone around me. yet i play a fine balancing act where everything is pushing from the edge and i'm ready to give in. some tiny fiber of my being wants me to stay, incase i might miss that one thing i've been waiting so patiently for. i urge you not to take your life, not because it's the right thing to do or it'd be far too easy, but because you have no idea who may be looking for you feeling the same way and what if the day you go it takes them too? maybe that doesn't mean anything now but it may eventually. there are people who feel the things you feel and disregard things in the same way it just takes time to find them. i have two quotes for you "suicide is the ultimate act of self-absorption, and no one who has ever died that way has been able to pull themselves out of their private torment" and "security is when everything is settled. when nothing can happen to you. security is the denial of life". find something to care for find something to invest your time in so you can't focus so much on the terrible reality of life. if you're wanting everything to stop and be calm it's never going to happen and you shouldn't want it to, be spontaneous it's the chance of something good coming that you want not monotonous discord
language: 4, rhythm: 3, subject: 5, tone: 3, form: 3.
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hey mufinhxc,thank you for such a thoughtful comment,it means a lot to me,i`m sorry to read about your own life,it made me feel sad.
However,my poem is just words,its not a true reflection of who i am,i used the first person narrative to give it extra force,but i feel justified doing this as i have dealt with someones suicide on a personal level,so its not like i dont know how devastating it is.
Thanks again,
bye.
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chiilling
The picture that I was given with this piece was that of a snowy cold outside of a poorly furnished log cabin. Perhaps that was just some sort of a metaphor but I love the simplicity.
My fav line:
"I had a strong one and a lit one serving their purpose for me."
Sad when the best entertainment available is chemical.
language: 4, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 3, form: 3.
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Thanks Enoq,for reading and leaving such a nice comment,i enjoyed writing this one,funny enough; i`m happy it gave you a picture too.
bye.
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"Nothing ever happens,
even when you wait to die."
You couldn't have said it any better. Nothing does really. I rather like the indifference in the tone of the speaker. Its grabbing and lukewarm, reminds me of my favorite author. It gives me of an image of an ordinary guy, not of the usual bum. Just an image of a regular guy who likes to sit on the floor and wait as he pops some purple pills. I think of the poems i read, i liked this most. Good read.
-iphios
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