Malevolent butterflies shred
the pink tissue of his gut.
His mind rapidly darts from
one innocuous trivial ism to another.
His senses no more then tormentors
frenzying his mind like a perceptual
gang bang.
The cold wind is not refreshing
but bitter and lifeless as it
slaps his extremities without remorse.
His shivers both from the icy air
and the gradually loosing grip on
his nerves.
Soundless echoes shout rants of
inadequacies in his mind dulling
the fading sound of life.
His grinding teeth make no noise
as the enamel has worn to a softly
conditioned smooth.
Behind the stage of his eyes struggles
a great many screaming proprietors
immediately silenced by confrontation.
Though the curtain of his facade does
not warm the chilled inhabitants of
his fragile mind, it does some how
hide his frailty from the viewers of
his internal freak show.
Author notes
This is another stab at free style for me. Again it is not really my typical forte so please excuse its sloppy diction.
Please leave a comment... you know why =)
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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this feels beautiful to me,it portrays nature like it really is,harsh and perpetually unforgiving,but ultimately beautiful.I understand the metaphor involved, insanity/torture/madness/struggle..thats life in general i think.
you do a great job,would like to read more work like this,although it wouldn`t take a genius to work that out.
soundless echoes shout rants of
inadequacies in his mind dulling
the fading sound of life......superb,
bye.
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I like it
It sounds like you.
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yeah me...
lol of course its me but don't even pretend like its not you too!
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I was a little disoriented when i read the poem and didn't hear a rhyme, but your authors note cleared it all. As much as you prefer rhyme and write well using that technique, i think you successfully pulled a free verse. Free verse, isn't a rule-less form of poetry, it still has rhythm and imagery that creates the poetry in it. Anyway, this poem was able to:
1) Give the reader a fresh set of images. The images were solid and cohesive. The extended use of the inner parts of the body worked beautifully to create...
2) the tension and struggle of the man in this poem. You pick up on the struggle of those with borderline. The thin line between sanity and insanity playing tug-of-war in the persons mind.
There are a few little areas here and there that can bring a better flow to the poem, nonetheless i think for an attempt at free verse, you did good.
-iphios
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Thank you
As you know its not really my style but it was fun to write. I would appreciate some specifics on those suggestions when you get a chance. I am always open for improvement.
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Holy Cow
Wow, it is such a great description of either a clearly insane person, or one of us whom maintain the appearance of sanity but under the facade is shear madness.
I love your description of the cold and this is my favorite stanza
"His grinding teeth make no noise
as the enamel has worn to a softly
conditioned smooth."
I love that the "griding" is silent
Genuis!
Carly
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Good to see you again
I am glad you are back! Thank you so much for the kind words I had a lot of fun writing this one.
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