Hopelessness is engulfing many
their faces devoid of life
Of emotion...
Yet here you bloom
Just beyond my reach...
So fragile, my friend
Unwitting of the horrors
A fate many have succumbed to...
You glow, my friend
With life so many do not have
It reaches past the fence which seperates us
Basking in your fire of liveliness
Which gives us the will to live...
You stun us, my friend
We stand helpless by your beauty
Captivated by your every move...
As you sway with the wind's rhythm
Take care, my friend
Bloom amongst the dead of winter...
Without a worry to cross your path
Survive, my friend -
My faith does rest on you...
Author notes
In case you didn't notice, this is about a flower. It comes straight from one chapter in my story on storywite, "With Every Passing Day".
That particular story is about the Holocaust.
Comments
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Great metaphors
I like this piece and will be able to read the pieces on storywrite soon. Its weird but I can get on this site at work but not storywrite. Oh well. Keep up the great work.
language: 3, rhythm: 4, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 3.
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He's BACK!
Thanks man. I always appreciate your comments and boy am I glad to hear from you! Sorry I've been bugging you all this time. It's like if Robert Frost, if he was alive, suddenly dissapeared and came back a year later. Anyway, I really should be minding my own business. Brian explained to me you were at work on SP. I feel really guilty. Debra is really nice. And you drew better than me when I was nine!
Anyways, glad to see you back. Really. Glad to have you back, "Enoq the Bard". Thank you so much for reading my poem.
Regards and truly sorry,
- A.C. -
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I am sorry we keep missing eachother
I don't have the ability to comment or use the chatterbox when I am logged on at work. Something to do with the web security software they use. Keep up the great work your getting better with each word!
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Very nice.
It is a wonderful gift to be able to find beauty in such tradgic times. This is well written and I believe it conveys the images well. I think it also shows some of what those people felt in that they could see the beauty (though minute in those times) just outside the fences which was out of their grasp. I found this line awkward:
And reaches past the fence which seperates us - because it wants to be a continuation of the line above but it really isn't. If you replace {and} with {It} I think it would sound and fit better. I think you should definitely put in a link you your story and let the reader know what it is. Here is a link to my story...
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