Not long ago
my eyes saw everything:
Happiness
Death
Sadness
Jealousy
and
Life
my eyes saw it all
It was a dream come true
to see everything
on what I see everyday
Even though some
made me feel bad,
I was still happy
as long as I have these
eyes
But as time passed,
my eyes grew
weak
until I saw nothing...
...
nothing at all
From the flash
of happiness,
I didn't see
e v e r y t h i n g
and even
a n y t h i n g
Now today, I see
what I see
Blurier and blurier
and
blurier
...
...
..
.
As life goes on,
I see more dark
than
light...
Why?
*by Eyes*
Author notes
This poem is for my friend, who is Lake Absence here. She told me that she's going to get glasses tomorrow and she told me why. So, I wrote a poem about it, but more sad and a little bit different. But, Lake thanx for the idea!
Do you wear glasses?
Comments
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I'm impressed.
I love the format you've chosen for this. These short lines are easy for the reader to digest, that is they sink in fast. I'm even more impressed that this poem was based on our friend Lake's needing glasses. If you had not told me I would not have known. You have done a wonderful job of expanding on that idea and making it even more dramatic. This poem is my favorite of yours so far. I have a few suggestions for you to consider. This sounds awkward to me: to see everything/on what I see everyday You might consider thinking about changing the second half to - that I saw everyday. Just after that where you said: Even though some/made me feel bad, I think it would sound better if you put - Even though somethings After that the next spot you might revise is this: as long as I have these eyes It might sound better if you use - as long as I saw with these eyes. It's just a personal preference but I don't like to use But to start a sentence. I think this line could be started without it: But as time passed, just - As time passed I hope you find these things helpful. That is the way they are meant.
In answer to you question - yes and I have since first or second grade.
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Hey Sheena. Once again, a great poem. The short lines and the format flow together well and they fit with the poem. The repeating works excellent in the poem.
Great job!
Hope.
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