Some would say I'm young and
some others might say I'm old.
Yet years and time don't matter
when speaking of the soul.
Everyone makes mistakes and
we all have our regrets.
Even had to share a few and
you've shared a few
Too I bet.
There were times where I was stuck babysitting,
holding back hair to puke while she's shitting.
And then other times I was used for sex
I'm not complaining,
Cause,
Those were the best.
I've been used for money, clothes,
rings, and things.
With broken hearts and shattered dreams.
Some have been worth it, most have been regrets.
Let go of fear, your names are my secrets.
There is no Doctor-Patient confidence
when it comes to matters of remorse.
In this mistake there's no discrepancy
my number one regret's you, Stephanie.
Author notes
None for you, more for me LoL Please leave a comment telling me your opinion and I'll return the favor A.S.A.P. THANK YOU FOR EVERYBODY WHO READS AND LEAVES A COMMENT AHEAD OF TIME...THIS WAY YOU'LL GET TWO THANKS AND TWO SHOWS OF APPRECIATION, "DOUBLE YOUR PLEASURE DOUBLE YOUR FUN, THAT'S THE STATEMENT OF THE GREAT MINT IN DOUBLEMINT GUM."
just an honest opinion please...
Comments
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Fantastic
Ouch. I feel depressed. And if it was bad for me, then stephanie would kill herself...
But in seriousness, you invoked some solid emotion there. That was amazing. I really feel as if I've been a mother, which is no easy fate when one considors that I am but an eightenn year-old man child. You did great work here. -
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LoL
Thanks for taking the time to read this, I'm glad that you enjoyed it and it was able to pump some kind of emotion out of ya. LoL yea I'm sure steph would prolly throw one of her temper tantrums if she had read this while I was around...that's for sure. She'd prolly kill me first though, she's not the self-mutilating type...well at least not to the point of suicide or harming herself. But again thanks for reading and I'm glad we were able to connect through this lovely form of art called poetry.
TTYL
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I engaged with this...
... you position is clear, your feelings of regret too - and when you use specific images those are also vivid. I get a little lost in whom you're addressing however: is it YOU, the reader, or YOU, Stephanie - because you talk about YOU and also about HER hair, so it's a little hard to stay with you.
It seems to me you side-step your real feelings here, almost as if you are afraid to inhabit and own your true anger and your feelings of hurt and your evident desire for/need for revenge. You don't need to be afraid to do this - these are a worthy subject for a poem.... for many poems. Poetry is a classic place to work out such things and making art out of them is a very constructive thing to do with strong feelings... possibly the best revenge of all.
I like the way it ends, the last stanza: the direct address. I think directing it all at her/to her would increase the power and clarity of this piece.
Definitely a worthwhile read. -
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You're perfectly welcome...
to take what I say or leave it Marcus. I'm not attached to being right, it's not a matter of being right or wrong. Please... You don't need to defend your choices to me, writing poems is always a learning curve. Sometimes we hit the curve just so and other times we careen out over the cliff, smash and burn - or just end up bumping the curb gently.
Don't ignore your inner voice. I just spotted what you had sensed about the piece yourself, then dismissed and rationalised. Every time I do this people know right away. It's truly fascinating how this happens.
What I think is this: you begin by talking to the reader about yourself - defending your right to your adult feelings and to make mistakes - then you talk about Stephanie - about her usage of you - and you end up by addressing Stephanie directly.
During the course of this you claim legitimacy for your point of view, then dismiss the impact of her horrid behaviour and these nasty events on you, then say letting her affect you is your greatest regret.
The subject of the poem is not this enormous inner search, or your sensations, memories and feelings, or Stephanie... but an abstract idea, "remorse".
Your private search for a tenable, comfortable stand within all these awful memories and shifting feelings - a place of self-respect - betrays itself in the wandering form - the narrator's shifts of focus between himself, the reader and Stephanie.
As a piece of poetry thereby, it falls short of its potential to pierce the heart.
To increase impact requires a degree of singularity and focus, a degree of ferocity and the personal.
That's not to say this isn't a worthwhile or good read - but it is less impactful as a piece of art than it might be.
People read poems in search of nourishment: spiritual/emotional/intellectual nourishment. Readers deserve the best from us, and we must strive to understand the craft and ourselves, for in doing so we produce what is most valuable.
It's also by these expeditions into our hearts that we gain the most from writing.
I think you can write such poems and that's why I've given you my time. You deserve the respect of deeper reads. I don't give it to everyone, you know.
It's nice to be in touch. Best wishes; catch you soon. RA
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ahhh
yes I definitely see your point and intentions. Again thank you for everything. I am glad that you chose to further explain and give me a little words of wisdom/encouragement and how to better impact the reader in future writings. I'm also thankful for your time and confidence. It's very appreciated
I hope to be able to repay the favor someday.
TTYL
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hey RA
It's good to hear from you again, it's been a while. It was meant to be talking to the reader (anybody) plus stephanie since she's included in the "EVERYbody" category. I can see how some would be confused cause when I had read through it real quick I had thought that I had jumped from different perspectives, but then while reading it again and again. I wasn't able to find it...I do however understand how somebody could feel that way b/c like I said, I felt that way for almost a minute myself. But after reading it some more I thought that it worked. And as for the ending I can see how that would be confusing as well. I had wanted to use "my number one regret is you, stephanie" except I had used "my number one regret's you, stephanie"...saying the same exact thing just using less syllables so the rhythm had stayed intact. I didn't think that I was making a compromise of clarity for a rhymes sake. You are the first person however to mention this to me so I'm not sure if you're right and everybody else and I missed it, or if you're wrong??? Honestly I don't know the truth to this answer. If you could maybe give me an example where you're confused maybe I'd be able to directly see what's confusing you and then it might become more clear to me?? I really wouldn't mind either way, I would just like to know the CORRECT way, so for in the future I am confident in my writing. Like I said IDK which one of us is correct, but I would like to know and to understand why it's wrong so I don't have a repeat incident. Thanks for taking the time to read and leave a comment. I'm glad that you liked the poem and really read it and gave it thought instead of just automatically reacting like alot of people sometimes get in the habit of doing. So again thank you. And yes poetry is greatly therapeutic and I also agree that it's probably the best kind of revenge...I mean what could be better than taking your pain that was inflicted from another and turning it into something that other people can find beautiful or that they can get any kind of good feeling from it, even if it's just relating. The anger part of me about this situation has come out in other poems, just without using her name. So I wasn't intently or conciously trying to withhold any anger or anything like that. But again thank you for being so perceptive and taking your time to express yourself. It's always appreciated when somebody comments, especiallly when somebody like you, whom I respect highly in our little (but growing) poetry community. Thanks again for everything, and if you still find it confusing please try to give me a direct example and show me a little more what you're talking about, that is if you have the time. It would be greatly appreciated.
I hope to hear from ya again sometime soon my friend.
TTYL
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It sounds as though Stephanie has a lot in common with most women I've known. So, I guess you shouldn't really blame her since it's a part of her innate nature. I've come to believe that there is no such thing as a mistake in life. What ever is, is. If something is going to be, it will. So with this in mind just remember that you are always where you are meant to be. What good is a regret? It's like ruing your own birth, which really has nothing to do with you anyway. Ha.
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Mixed feelings
A dark poem with traces of regret and shame with a twist of bitterness.
Strong words and vivid imagery in this poem
Bill
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hi marcus
i really liked this poem of yours. i liked the sincerity in this piece and the raw emotion of being hurt and used by somebody. you described those feelings well. i also think that the words that you chose were powerful while also giving out great imagery and information all at once. actually this one had it all for me, power, reality, relatable, honesty, rhythm, rhyme, growth, and there's a lesson in it. its good to see that you are using your poetry as an outlet for your trapped feelings. its a great feeling reading this piece, both for me and for you. i also agree i think that its great to see you improving in your work. i just hope that your personal life will improve as well b/c such a kind hearted young man like yourself deserves it. keep up the good work my boy.
S.L. Kraemer
language: 4, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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wow i loved this! its so briliant! It paints a great picture in my mind so great discription! :]]
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I loved your rhyming. It's awesome to read poems like this because they are so personal and I like getting inside a poet's head. you did very well on this poem
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thanks haylee
and like I tried to apologize to everybody else I'm sorry for such a late reaction, but I haven't been on in a very long time, but now I'm back so...I'm glad that you enjoyed the poem and I'm more than happy to open up and put myself out there in my writing. You know I heard a very smart man say that we hide ourselves in our poetry to reveal ourselves at the same time. So that way we always have that mask to blur the details of our reflection. I'm glad that you enjoyed the rhyming b/c it's something that I do take my time in and when I get good feedback on it or I just feel good about I pretty much always take pride in my rhyming schemes or concepts. Thanks again for reading. I'll return the favor ASAP. Hope to hear from ya again sometime soon. Keep on writing and reading and I'll be there to let ya know what I think.
TTYL
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This is deep.
It's good through I guess. It doesn't flow good. It could be better. This isn't one of your best, but still I like it.
language: 4, rhythm: 5, subject: 4, tone: 5, form: 4.
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Some regrets and some not ... been there myself, some excellant lines. Working on a couple regret pieces myself. I'll check out your other works when I get a moment. k
language: 4, subject: 4, tone: 4, form: 3.
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hey darcy
thanks for taking the time to read and even more thanks for leaving such a nice comment. I'm excited to hear that you enjoyed the poem. I wasn't too sure of it and didn't know if it was too aggressive. I'm glad to see that people understood and could relate. I'll be checking out some of your work now that I'm back online and just got my new laptop. Hope to hear from ya again sometime soon.
TTYL
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I like the first line of the last stanza the best there is no Doctor-Patient confidence, it just helped start the end persay which has a definete benefit to the over all movement of the poem. When you say some have been worth it, most have been regrets I think that it really hits home for atleast me. Because as you said we all have regrets. Very well written
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hey BJ
I'm glad that you and many others were able to relate to the poem and enjoyed it. It's also good to hear that the whole regret theme worked not only with the words but the metaphors and movement of the poem worked as well. I wanted there to be some progress to it. But didn't think I could find much, glad to hear I at least found some. Thanks again.
TTYL
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Well played, well written and well met my friend. Live, Love, and Lose, and eventually we'll regret, we'll wish for something to have been different, never happen, or to happen again. Life takes and gives and we find ourselves in places we didn't think we ever would.
Loved the rhyming, I don't see it done as well these days, so when a poem that uses it well it always warms my heart. Great read, keep it up!
-RD -
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hey roisin
thanks for stopping by and taking the time to read and leave such a kind and thoughtful comment. I know this is half a year late but I just got back online so I'm making up for my past dues LoL. Hope ya understand. Thanks again and I'm glad to hear that you enjoyed it. Hope to hear from ya again soon.
TTYL
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indeed
There is something very musical about this poem. Especially "I've been used for money, clothes, rings, and things. With broken hearts and shattered dreams." Good one.
Stephanie huh... well I hope someday forgivness will be salve to that regret
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thank you
Sorry it's been such a long long time since I've responded, my laptop had broken and I just got a new one. So now I'm back and hopefully I'll start writing again, I'm already having a blast reading all these new poems from this brand new flock of talent. And of course it's always nice to visit the usual suspects of dishing out poetry that keeps ya coming back for more. I really appreciate all of the kind words you've given to me, not only in this comment but in others as well. It's nice to have some motivation slash inspiration out there and people that believe in you. SO again thanks for EVERYTHING. I'll be around for a while now. Hope to hear from ya again sometime soon.
TTYL
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Excellent
Your poems just keep getting better and better.
Lot's of depth of emmotion in this with good words of heavy impact. We all have lots of regrets in this world ~and hope they balance with joys.
Reading this and seeing how you are growing as a poet is one of my joys.
~friends,
Rich
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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Hey Rich
thanks a bunch, it's always nice to hear from ya. I'm grateful that you took the time to read and leave a very nice and thoughtful comment. I'm flattered. It's been a pleasure sharing my poetry with you and I thank you for sharing yours. Which I believe in return has helped me grow and learn as I read and navigate through this site. Thank you again for everything. Hope to hear from you again sometime soon.
TTYL
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I agree
I agree that regret sucks yet makes you learn so much from experience. Then again, experience is just another name we give to our mistakes. My favorite lines are "Some have been worth it, most have been regrets.
Let go of fear, your names are my secrets."
I say this is good!
writing this poem makes people able to relate it because everyone goes through life with many regrets. We shuold just learn to move on because life goes on. Our mistakes are not the end of the world. We are adolescents. Shit happens.
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hey sweet poison
Thank you very much for stopping by and reading the poem, and even more so for taking the time to leave a thoughtful and very nice comment. I'm always grateful when somebody takes their time to give insight and say a little something about the poem or relative topics. You're right the poem's obviously relatable, and I believe that you were able to recognize the tone of the poem well. Thanks again for everything and I hope to hear from you again sometime soon.
TTYL
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I like it very much
It pulls you right in to the story as if you were that person to relate to.language: 4, rhythm: 4, subject: 4, tone: 4, form: 4.
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So True
Man I can relate to this poem so well being used by people than just being cast aside in the end. Your poem seems to explore all the aspects of the relationship, breaking up hurts like hell and is shown very strongly in this write this poem is really well done.
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 4, form: 4.
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hey distant
yeah it's sad but I'm sure there are a lot of people that can relate to something close to this situation. I'm glad that you enjoyed it and thank you very much for taking the time to read and leave a comment. Thank you also for your kind words and fluent reads. I'm very grateful and always glad to share, also glad that you liked the poem. Hope to hear from ya soon.
TTYL
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I do like it,.
It needs some more tightening around the ends.. maybe substitute different words to produce more meaning and make the lines shorter and more rhythmic, I think it's a Great Poem, the last two stanzas are my favorite, i hope that helps...
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hey Ironic
thanks for taking the time to stop by and read, and of course comment. It's always nice to receive constructive criticism and insight/intake from others. Glad you enjoyed the poem and thanks again for stopping by and reading another one of my poems.
TTYL
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