Look into her eyelash extentions
and know she's the one.
You've always wanted to kiss pink glitter
taste luscious candy cane gloss
run your fingers through 284 Marigold.
Isn't it irrisistible how
her Tiffany diamonds sparkle in the light?
Breathe it all in, peppermint and
Chanel No. 5
feel your heart beating at the touch
of French satin
All yours, from her delicious
porcelain serum to the tips of her
razor stilettos.
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
-
hey cee
it appears this is another assault on supeficiality and while I agree with, all that cheap shit, the fake nails etc. kicks my ass, like i'd prefer one of those to say an intellegent but unattactive woman which doesnt' say a lot for me.
dave -
-
Thank youuu
Well, what you have to remember when you're running into one of these situations is wait a minute, is there even a face under that make-up? holy mother of christ, nneverminnddd
-
-
That was amazing. Tell me, what's your secret for coming up with the most brilliant ideas? Because I Need Help. Bad. And you are...well your just YOU.
-
-
Thank you! Most of my poems come to me on the school bus (weird, right?) I think you should take a notebook and a pencil and sit in different rooms in your house until you get an idea. Or do jumping jacks. I don't know (sorry!) but have fun!
-
-
Sounds like...
this guy has met some kind of hybrid Sexy, LoL French, Bougie, Assassin, Girly Girl Tease that likes to doll herself up. I thought the imagery was good and whats better than sexy, sensual, and dangerous right? I thought ya did a great job with this poem, the more I think about it and read it again and again the more I realize how good it is, very nicely done. One of the better poems that I've read in a long time. Very simple, direct and to the point, great imagery, story's told and the reader is already comfortable in the scenario b/c everybody has either seen something similar in the movies, read in a book, or experienced or dreamt about it LoL. That's what makes the ending so good. But yet I was comfortable in this place I could still feel tension and knew something was going to come up sometime soon...at least those were my instincts. IDK if I'd call it suspense, I can't remember to be honest, I was too caught up in the reading to find out whether I was right or not and what it was going to be LoL. But again very nice job. Thanks for sharing and hope to see some more good writes like this and hear from ya sometime soon.
TTYS
MM
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 4.
-
-
Thank you, thats exactly the type of girl I'm describing, everything about her is artificial but that's what everyone loves about her, but once you get rid of all the perfume and make up and fluff there's really not much left
-
-
Razors and Mallets
Hey Cee. Nicely cutting but you got out the mallet with the last 3 lines imho. I'd drop them or go for something more subtle like 'she's the real deal' o/s . Go get 'em Slasher! >W< -
-
hmm okay I agree, I'll drop them, thanks
I just hope whoever else reads it will be able to see the sarcasm -
-
A wiser man than me once told me never write DOWN to your audience, always assume they're brighter than you. That may limit YOUR audience considerably but hell, if someone doesn't 'get' that this is sarcasm, they're never going to 'get' you.
-
-
-
there a huge market for all that stuff for one reason,men fall for it,so false it makes me want to puke,i prefer an agricultural type girl with wellington boots,dungarees and dirty fingernails with a decent size butt,
I read you loud and clear with this poem,although i think the title gives too much away.
great stuff cee
bye
-
-
Thank you very much, do you have any suggestions on the title then?
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 11 of 11
