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Billy Wright's Christmas Redemption

Once upon a Christmas night, when most had gone to sleep,
A little boy named Billy Wright was soon to make a peep.
A plan was hatching in his mind, to catch the old Chris Cringle.
He stirred and tossed, trying to fight the urge to early creep.

He wasn’t sure just what he’d find but he knew to look for jingle.
It sent a chill right up his spine and made his insides tingle.
When he finally was sure that all had gone to bed,

He looked out window for a sign of footprints on the shingles.

Though the visibility was poor, he saw no scuffled snow ahead.

The plan had strengthened its allure, while dancing in his head.
He sneaked out of his bed with style, though he knew it was bad.

For now this itching had no cure; he’d catch the man in red.

He lurked to living room with guile, appearing raving mad.
After searching there a while, he found a letter from his dad.
The title at the head made his insides feel oblong.
“Here‘s ‘The good and bad things file’, about my little lad.”

He opened up the list and read, it took him pretty long.
With each word his face turned red, over things that he’d done wrong.
He learned from all his spying, they expect more from one his age.
All the harsh things that they said now seemed very strong.

He read about his lying, and some more about his rage.
Every word caused sighing. This continued for each page.
Until the lump growing in his throat felt larger then a weevil.
He could barely keep from crying, for he knew he’d been no sage.

He knew when Santa read this note, that he would deem him evil.
He knew his dad had truly wrote and there was now upheaval.

Until it seemed last chance was there, that sprinkled him with joy.
For at the end there was a quote, that gave him his reprieval


“Dearest Santa don’t despair. At heart, he’s a good boy.
And though he can get in our hair, he does deserve a toy.”
Then the part where promise showed, and gave a little chill:
“He just may try to catch you there. He thinks its all a ploy.”

Just then a footstep crunched the snow outside the window sill.
His legs grew soft like biscuit dough as he stood very still.
If ever a chance, this was his last, to try to absolve it all.

He knew that Santa would never know, if his legs would do his will.

He got the strength and darted past into his bedroom hall.
Never had he run so fast without a slip or fall.

The corner whacked a shoulder blow as he ran through the door.
Into his bed he reached at last, where he snuggled near the wall.

He closed his eyes and kept them so, with a faint and pretend snore,
Until to dreamland he did go, with no idea what was in store.

His dreams so long were harsh and stern; they would not let him be.
He slept till morning light did show and through the window poured.

When usually he would spring out and run out to the tree,
This morning he crept slowly ‘bout, not sure what he would see.
His face lit up so red he madly hoped no one would stare.

His mind was truly filled with doubt. He was prepared to plea.

As he turned the corner sadly, all his family was now there.
He sat down near them gladly, knowing little Sam would share.

Once he locked Sam in the shed, in a game called ‘Brother Zoo.’
For even when he misbehaved, his brother didn’t care.


His mother turned to him and said, “Billy where were you?”
He barely raised his morbid head, for she knew he’d been bad too.
She gave his small red face a kiss, pinching his cheek so round.
Then asked, “Were you lying in bed? Why are you so blue?”


Before he could  answer this, his father turned around.
His father’s face was filled with bliss while sitting on the ground.
Around upon his rump he spun, his face without its normal leer.

This smile he had grown to miss and was happy to have found.

His father said “It’s Christmas son. It’s time to get some cheer.

Now, why don’t you have some fun and open these presents here?”
Dad handed him a few to sift and said, “Merry Christmas son.”
At this Billy was truly stunned and shed a single tear.

No matter what was in those gifts, he knew he’d love each one.
Just their presence gave him lift and made his spirits run.
Next year he’d try to do things right and not be such a creep.
Then his frown began to shift. He started having fun.

Author notes

This is a work in progress I would LOVE your input.

Happy holidays!

    : Comment:

Comments

1 - 7 of 7
  • Brian Balzer Greeters member
    November 24, 2008

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    I love the overall story of this and the underlying moral. I like the rhythm and rhyme though it isn't up to your normal standard. As you say though you are still working on it. If it was someone else's I probably wouldn't expect as much. Man, that stinks. Knowing how good you are I have a feeling you'll iron out the wrinkles. I'll try to help but frankly, you are better than I. I don't always see all the rules you are following so disregard anything that doesn't fit. I almost didn't catch that the third line of each stanza sets the overall rhyme for the next stanza. Honestly I found it awkward as it seemed to disrupt the flow. I'm not saying it's wrong because I'm not sure there is such a thing as wrong in poetry. The fourth line in the first stanza seems to have a rhtym problom. At the trying I stumble. Consider:
    He stirred and tossed; He tried to fight the urge to early creep. This doesn't sound right: but he knew to look for jingle - what about - but he listened for a jingle. This line seems to need another beat: All the harsh things that they said now seemed very strong. I keep reading it ...said now seemed so very strong - without meaning to. I would think this line would end with here: He just may try to catch you there. His father is telling Santa as he's standing in their living room. The corner whacked... I couldn't figure out what corner. What do you think of - the doorjamb whacked...- that's what he would actually hit passing through the doorway. Ok, I think I see now it's a corner wall into the hallway but I'm still not sure. The term morbid head seems out of place to me. He barely raised up his head - only has one less beat. Would that work? Though I know what you mean this line reads awkwardly for me. This smile he had grown to miss and was happy to have found. It's the and that throws the meaning off in reference to the rest of the stanza. I'm thinking in terms of: This smile he had grown to miss; He was happy to have found. It just seems natural to me. My mind strives for another beat in this section: and open these presents here - and open up these presents here. I'm not opposed to the slang of creep. I'm not too sure it doesn't fit. He locked his brother in the shed that's the kind of thing a creep would do. Not to mention we could guess there was much more according to the sounds of the list. Only option that came to me was: Next year he’d try to do things right and he'd go right to sleep. Though that only addresses one issue as opposed to his overall behaviour. The only reason I personally would consider changing it is because you used it in the beginning of the poem. However I don't find it that big of a deal. Keep up the great work.


  • rhetorica gold member
    November 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hey Enoq,really enjoyable story that captures the magic of Christmas eve from a young boys point of view.I`m not a great reader or critique of rhyme so i`ll just be honest with you and say that I found the rhyming scheme within each verse somewhat uncomfortable to read,also i think it would be good to know what present the boy received,it might be a nice ending if he got a torch or a cat or something befitting of his curious nature,just an idea.
    Anyway,great story,brought back a lot of good memories

    bye


  • LifeIsIronic
    November 22, 2008

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    overall awesome

    seems missing a little i don't know why,

    "Next year he would try to do things right and not be such a creep." the creep part kinda doesn't fit the poem?, I'd suggest maybe,

    Sneak? instead,

    "Next year he would try to do things right and not be such a sneak.", If that helps at all?, i hope it did , p.s. so far awesome , can't wait till its fully finished, it kinda brings you back to the old days lol, I love it


    • Enoq
      November 23, 2008

      Edit | Reply

      Not sure on that

      am still up in the air. Ideally I would like to have that word rhyme with the original stanza to keep the form cyclically. (ie something that rhymes with "eep"). Thank you for your input!


  • CarlySeye
    November 21, 2008
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    Story Time

    what a great story! and to have crafdted it so musically, it reminded me of Dr. Suess :-) Loved it


  • ACpoetry
    November 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Oh, rating, right.


  • ACpoetry
    November 21, 2008

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    Very nice

    Just a few things to edit:

    “where you laying in bed? Why are you so blue?”
    'where' should be capitalized, and spelled 'Were'.

    Next year he would try to do things right and not be such a creep.
    Hmm... creep doesn't seem to fit. Hehe, it sounds almost funny, even.

    But otherwise, it made me smile. Very much so. Reminds me of the little kids that still want to see Santa in his red suit. I unfortuneately give up, and deem Santa as my parents.

    Great job.

    - A.C.

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