I grew up swimming in a sea of loneliness
As I began to mature I drifted farther into the sea
Then I was pulled out of the sea by my first love
She taught me what it meant
to be willing to make sacrifices
I learned the desires of loving someone
I then learned of betrayal and jealousy
These soon filled me with doubt and spite
I refused to drift in a sea of loneliness
Instead I swam in an ocean of hate
Many tried to pull me from this ocean
Yet I was still filled with doubt and spite
I was anchored in the turbulent ocean
I finally broke the chains which held me fast
I swam out of the ocean
back into the sea of loneliness
I tired of swimming
I formed an island
Many came upon my shore
They bathed in the sunlight
We danced in the moonlight
All set sail for distant shores
I now greet those passing near
They often greet me back
though few come upon my shore
Few truly wish to know me
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Nice write
I liked it......emotions and imagery were strong. Made me feel kinda sad and defensive of you..ha ha.
Enjoyable read.
Castawaylanguage: 5, rhythm: 2, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 3.
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Thank you
This is not my normal type of poem. My poems are usually light and happy. They are also usually rhyme and rhythm poems. I was feeling rather isolated and lonely the day I wrote this so I siezed the chance to write a sad poem. I thought about the stages I had gone through in life and where I am now as I wrote it. I'm not sure why you would feel defensive of me though. Thanks again.
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This is beautiful. The entire idea of using an ocean, sea, and island as a metaphor for your thoughts and emotions is abosutely brilliant. This is a cery good write and I hope to read more! See ya around the site!
-Kittenlanguage: 4, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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Thank you so much
I really appreciate you not only taking the time to read my work but also for taking the time to give me your thoughts on it. This idea just struck me one day when I was feeling a little down. Since I do not often write sad poetry I seized the opportunity and allowed this one to flow out of me. Thanks again.
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Sad, in a good way
It is such a beautiful poem, but also so sad. The feelings were so beautifully portrayed! I loved the island the most. I know it can be hard in that sea of hatred and many other people know that too, and that is often why they tried to help, but most don't relize that we are alone out there. We are often isolated by our own hatred and it is up to us to make the final decision to save ourselves.
Maybe this is all just me, but I'm ranting now so I'll stop.
Great Poem anyway
Sarah
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Thank you
This was one of the few poem that I've written that wasn't my normal type of poem. That is in respects to the fact that it isn't a rhythm and rhyme poem and that it is sad. I've written very few sad poems. I think you very acurately explained the situation. Being isolated by our own hatred is like an addiction. No one can help you until you decide to help yourself. I don't think that your comment in any way deserves to be called ranting. When you comment on my poetry you can speak your mind. If that means you leave a book then write a book. I would be honored to have stirred your emotions enough to cause you to have so much to say regardless of which emotions I have stirred. Thank you for not only reading my poetry but also for taking the time to leave such a thoughtful comment.
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Beautiful
This write is one I'm sure many people including myself can relate to. I really love the metaphysical elements that keep showing themselves on every line. All the metaphors are beautifully painted in this word picture. I'm sorry that you had to experience this but know that you have friends here who care about you. Thank you writing this its was beautiful.
Your Friend
Distant Unknown
language: 5, rhythm: 4, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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Thank you very much.
Unfortunately I agree that many can relate to this. That's usually a good thing but in this case it is simply a shame. I didn't even think of the metaphysical or metaphors while I wrote this. Of course I don't think to much while I'm writing, it often muddles the poem if I do. I truly appreciate the compliment on both. This is one of the experiences in life that made me who I am. Since I like who I am, I would not wish to change my experiences. I sincerly appreciate all of your kind words. I know that there are as many out here that care about me as I care about. I have been surprised by the compassion shown by those I barely know. I have written very few sad poems so when I felt the inspiration I seized the opportunity. Thanks again.
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My favorite line in here is "sea of loneliness" . It's a sad poem ,but beautiful .I like the metaphorical language that you've used in here .Loneliness is the worst thing that could ever happen to a person.I somehow can relate with what you say .It's terrible to feel lonely .Nicely done!
~Feb~
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Thank you very much.
I've been cofident with my metaphorical language. Your compliment on it means a lot to me. Lonliness is a terrible thing to suffer. It can be disabiling for some. I'm sorry that you can so easily relate to this poem. I'm sure way too many can. That's usually a good thing but in this case I wish I could more often here that no one understood because they had never felt this way. Thanks again.
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Wow, I'm Sorry Brian,
I'm Sorry that you had to go through this, well you know that people here care about you, and that you won't have to worry about that again, but as for the poem I love it, it's a great poem i think you did a wonderfully Great job on a Sad poem
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Thank you very much.
No worries mate. True I've had my share of heartache and lonliness but I have a strong soul and it's true that though I barely know some of the people out here they have shown great compassion. I appreciate your kind words and the compliment on one of my few sad poems. Thanks again my friend.
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Aww Brian you know me too well for I also swam in these oceans and seas and an island became my comfort zone. Then one day I realised that no-one could come upon my shore and leave footprints in my sand because my island was surrounded by a very deep moat with a giant billboard saying 'PRIVATE PROPERTY - KEEP OUT'. Build a drawbridge Brian and your soulmate will find you
language: 5, rhythm: 5, subject: 5, tone: 5, form: 5.
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Thank you very much.
Indeed we have many similarities. For a long time I too had a sign posted. Even though I took down the sign I still prefered my island. Though I msut admit I'm not searching for a soulmate. I simply welcome kindred spirits. I find comfort in knowing that many care deeply about me as I do about them. I don't often write sad poetry. I was feeling lonely and siezed the opportunity when the inspiration came to me. Thank you for your wonderful words.
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Aw, Brian, this is too sad. =[ You need to be happy, because there are a lot of people who
you, me included. This is depressing, and depressingly good, as well. I particularly like the lines:
I was anchored in the turbulent ocean
I finally broke the chains which held me fast
They really spoke to me. Great job. =]
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Thank you so very much.
Your words of kindness are priceless. They lift my spirts whenever I hear them. I too love you sweetheart and I appreciate you caring. I don't often write sad poetry as you know. I was feeling alone and lonely as we all sometimes do. When the inspiration for this hit me I seized the opporunity to write it. You have picked two of the lines I felt were strong in this poem. I understand why they spoke to you. That's why I say again, I Love you too Lake.
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