When the trees have stripped and thinned,
then the circle readjusts.
The silence sets the stage for wind,
to hear a symphony of gusts.
The nebulous clouds of falling flakes,
remind our minds of winter's weep.
The seasonal solidity of lakes,
shows even water needs to sleep.
The porcelain peace of the forest's shawl,
draped over after winter storm.
Looks soft and white while covering all,
appearing deceivingly warm.
Author notes
I live in Texas but grew up in Michigan. I have not seen snow or experienced a true winter in about 15 years. This poem was my effort to capture a still frame of the memory of winter in my head and describe it. I hope you like it.
Comments
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The seasonal solidity of lakes,
shows even water needs to sleep
i love that line.
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A Quilt of Images.
Like softest down draped over the senses, was this paen to wintery motion-juxtaposing-stillness, Enoq.
Some great lines and rhymes. Especially efficacious, I thought, was the middle stanza and the two best lines:
"The seasonal solidity of lakes,
shows even water needs to sleep."
Though the syllable counts vary and the beat is a tad irregular "Sleepy Season" flows generally well chockablock with charming images. The last line lacks a punch, perhaps you could play around with the last two lines to achieve a more evocative finale? "Storm" might make a better finisher than "warm" - could you somehow switch the lines or rhymes?
As a captive, right now of "Winter Wonderland" here in Norway, Enoq, might I say that your sojourn in the Lone Star state has not dissipated your memory of Winter judging by the descriptive skills you evince.
Warm regards
gG
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Indeed
I have often thought that the ending lacks "pow!". I will look into zazzing it up a bit. Thanks for the read and kind words. Hope you're taking advantage of the double blacks diamonds up there! Cheers!
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*insert postive adjective here*
For not having witnessed snow or real winter for 15 years this superb… even if you had witnessed it yesterday it is superb. I could feel the sharp winds of winter and see the identifiable color of snow clouds, really excellent. Your poems never disappoint me.
AGAPE
Carly
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It's really beautiful .I like the way you've described winter .I've read it 3 times and there's sth magical about it .In other words i liked it .
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Thank you
I was going for visual for sure. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment on it.
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I have to agree with the previous comment. I like the descriptiveness of this poem, but the rhythm is a bit off. For instance the word "Looks" on the 3rd line doesn't transition well from the previous two lines. On the last line of the third stanza, i suggest you remove "to", so that it doesn't just rhyme with the 2nd line, but it also flows similarly. The "to" halts the line, but taking it out would create a congruence between "winters weep" and "needs sleep." It just suggestions that i hope helps in some way. Nonetheless, the description and thought is beautiful.
-iphios -
very descriptive
I like how you see whats going on.. but it kinda leaves you wondering exactly where? i love how descriptive it is, but i think it sacrificed Rythm for description. I like the beginning, and the part in the last stanza about water needs to sleep, but i don't know much about rythm so yea,.. just a comment
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