Emotions gnawing
eating the core of
my undisturbed soul.
Can't breathe
it's killing the inside of me
knowing that I lied
that they don't know
the truth behind the mask.
If I told the truth
they would go to the police
and what would they do?
Nothing
file it
that's it.
That's not how life should be
fearing the streets or
walking outside your home,
what's the point of all this?
Mistakes happen
mine occured two years back
but it still affects me now.
I'm 12 and I shouldn't be feeling like this...
Author notes
Needed to let it spill. I suck at poetry, these are just lines put together. I just need some place to put the heavy burden off my shoulders and this was it. :/
:(( Just say whatever. x_x
Comments
-
Tradgic
You are right. You should not be feeling like this at 12 or at any age. I'm sorry that you have something like this in your past. It makes me hurt for you knowing that you have to deal with this. I hope you know that you have a friend in me if you need to talk. I think the format you've chosen fits this poem very well. The short lines give it a quick pace which is what you want. I would suggest spliting your longer lines and I'll show you where by putting this / into the lines.
eating the core of / my undisturbed soul. I would think your soul would disturbed though.
that they don't know / the truth behind the mask.
I change these next lines a little:
fearing the streets or
walking outside your home,
That way you don't have fearing twice in a row and the second line reads more smoothly. I'd take the And off of this line:
If I told the truth
I'd also leave off the commas. I've learned since joining that they destract the reader. Commas are rarely used in poetry because of that. Often no punctuation is used. I think you did fine with this poem. Keep writing. You will get better with practice.
-
-
Erm... Yea... Thanks.. I changed the errors.
-
Adding your comment:
