“Go to Hell,” she screamed as her father died away.
“Go to Hell,” she screamed as she cried her pain away.
“Go to Hell,” she screamed as her mother touched her hand.
“Go to Hell,” she screamed as her pillow met her head.
“Died,” He heard her scream as she cut her pain away.
“Died,” He heard her scream as she bled her life away.
“Come,” she heard Him say as He stroked her golden hair.
“Live,” she heard Him say as He kissed away despair.
“Trust,” she heard Him say as He held her hand so tight.
“Love,” she heard Him say as He showed her heart the light.
“No,” He heard her breathe as she pulled herself away.
“Love is just a game that I’ve learned to never play.”
“Yes,” she heard Him sigh as He looked her in the eyes.
“Love is not a game, but the power to survive.”
Continue? Yes, no, maybe so?
Comments
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Wow, I love this, esp the last line, anyway, dont continue, not because its bad but because i think you've pretty much summed it up in the last line, I dont like long poems that much either, i think length would actually take away from the meaning, but anyway, this is great, i say keep it like this but its your poem
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i loved it
the rythm was very good, the flow, and it is a sad poem but it is good -
Made me cry, as usual.
I'm such a softy. This was an interesting journey through a difficult struggle. My emotions flared when you began to cut. Just the thought of it always tears me up. I was glad when the hand of God touched her and showed her the light. I would recommend capitolizing Him and He. It is the general practice to do so because it is considered His name. You have a He where you should have a Him in "Love," she heard... I too love the last line. I agree. I feel that Love is the essence of life and without it we feel lost. Continue? I'm not sure. I like it the way it is. I would only continue if you feel something should be added and you aren't forcing it. If something comes to you and it feels and sounds right to you then add it and let me know so I can come back and re-read it. Or feel free to message it to me. Very touching.
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Loved it!
The rythm was abculutely wonerful. I loved the way that it flowed so effortlessly! The last line was my absolute favorite! Bravo!
Sarah
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